Because I am bored, I decided to do a little posting I’d like to call Massachusetts General Dumb Laws Annotated (“MGDLA”). If you google any state’s “dumb laws,” you’ll get loads of websites but there are no citations to prove any of them actually exist (see, e.g., the one about taking your lion to the movie theater). Well, I’ve taken a gander at the Mass General Laws, and provided an MGL citation for each one I mention below, along with my own annotation for each. Open further review, I would not call all of these “dumb” per se, (as you will see below), but are noteworthy because (1) they still exist; (2) I have no earthly idea what purpose they serve; or (3) the fact that they exist shows how dumb someone out there was that we need to have a law to criminalize that particular activity. If you have an annotation of your own, please post in the comments.
MGL Chapter 270: Crimes Against Public Health
1. MGL Ch. 270 s. 8: You can be fined up to $100 for selling candy containing more than 1% alcohol.
This law is dumb because it forbids the combination of two awesome things: (1) candy and (2) alcohol (in greater than 1% increments). I get the whole “you can’t make candy look like cigarettes” issue, but really? No intoxicating and delicious rum bon bons?
2. MGL ch. 270 s. 5: You can be fined up to $50 or imprisoned for up to 2 months for providing a hospital patient who is either “suffering from inebriety or from the effect of inebriety” with alcohol.
I am assuming this is one of those laws that they have to make because some idiot actually snuck booze into a hospital to give to a drunk who was in the hospital because he was a drunk (and was drunk, or hungover) and got caught but was able to get away with it because – aha! – at the time there was no law forbidding such behavior.
3. MGL ch. 270 s.14 and 15: You can be fined up to $20 for spitting in public (unless it is in a “receptacle provided for that purpose”), and you can be arrested without a warrant if an officer sees you do it.
This law is not dumb. I hate it when people spit on the sidewalk, and I would be happy to see more people arrested for it.
MGL Chapter 271: Crimes Against Public Policy
4. MGL Ch. 271 s. 46: You can be fined up to $1,000 for failing to remove the door of your refrigerator before disposing of it.
What bit of terrible misfortune begot this law?
MGL Chapter 272: Crimes Against Chastity, Morality, Decency and Good Order
5. MGL ch. 272 s. 14: Believe it or not, adultery is still illegal in Massachusetts, and punishable by jail time or a $500 fine.
This law is not dumb, its just dumbfounding that it still exists. Domestic relations lawyers, is it still enforced?
6. MGL ch. 272 s. 34: I can’t paraphrase this law and do it justice. It states, “Whoever commits the abominable and detestable crime against nature, either with mankind or with a beast, shall be punished by imprisonment in the state prison for not more than twenty years.”
I get the “beast” part. But what exactly is a crime against nature “with mankind?” Do I want to know?
7. MGL ch. 272 s. 36: Blasphemy is still illegal. The best part of this law? An offender may be “bound to good behavior.”
Wow. I wish I knew this before I endured that 30 minute trip on the Red Line with that foul-mouthed kid behind me the other day.
8. MGL ch. 272 s. 86: It is in fact illegal to stable above the first floor unless there are two exits or automatic sprinkler systems. The beauty of this law is that it does not apply to all those horses and mules stabled in cities.
This is a relief. For a second there I was afraid I was going to have to find a new place to stable the mule I keep in Davis Square.
MGL Chapter 269: Crimes Against Public Peace
9. MGL ch. 269 s. 15: Under this law, you can be punished up to $200 for selling a stink bomb.
See annotation to #2.
MGL Chapter 265: Crimes Against The Person
10. MGL ch. 265 s. 34: Under this law, only a qualified physician can ink your tat.
Good luck finding a doctor in this state that can both fix your broken heart and draw one on your bicep.
11. MGL ch. 265 s. 42: You can actually be imprisoned for a boom box in public.
Anyone who has seen that kid with the Fresh Prince haircut with his oversized boom box hanging around Park Street/Downtown Crossing lately will appreciate this one.
This is all for now. If I missed any good ones, please post in the comments!
Tags: boston, dumb laws, massachusetts
Boston Common Law 
February 5, 2009 at 3:26 pm
The refrigerator door one actually makes a fair bit of sense. There have been quite a few cases of kids “coming to the nuisance,” getting stuck in there, and dying or being severely injured because they were unable to get out. Think about it, a thrown-out refrigerator makes a great hiding place, spaceship, fort, etc.
February 12, 2009 at 8:28 pm
ditto on the fridge thing – as for the adultery matter, there is a similar law in NH which was enforced about 20 years ago. Maybe if it were enforced more often there would be less of it!
February 13, 2009 at 8:59 pm
a crime against nature is sodomy. It’s invalid after Lawrence v. Texas. NC has an identical one to the MA one. I’m surprised MA still had one on the books as of 2003.