This blog has been created as an online community for women of all ages. Everyone talks about the “Change of Life” as being menopause. But in reality, as I discovered in my professional work as Director of WomensVoices and my personal experience, women experience many changes and transitions in their lifetime: leaving their parent’s home; getting married; having children; divorce; remarriage;altered health status such as weight gain, arthritis, menopause; starting a new career or returning to the work force; events that impact relationships with other women, men, spouses or adult children; becoming a grandmother;becoming a caregiver for elderly parents; losing one’s parents; retirement and many more. It is my hope that women of all ages will log onto this blog and share both the positive and negative impacts of these changes and receive understanding, compassion, validation and empowerment from the community of women bloggers on this site.
If you are interested in sharing your experience with a larger community of women, go to the www.changesinlife.com website for details regarding an inspirational anthology currently accepting submissions.
Changes In Life 
January 15, 2010 at 4:25 am |
Congratulations, Pat, on your websites. I haven’t been in toxic relationships, but certainly have faced the challenges many women do as they live life.
I’m interested in following your participant’s responses, if that’s permitted.
Joan
January 15, 2010 at 5:11 am |
Joan,
The blog is for women talking about any changes in their lives, not necessarily a recovery from something traumatic. The info on the changesinlife website is more specifically for women who have had these types of relationships, their process and outcome. Please feel free to peek in and or talk about any changes you have or are experiencing
January 22, 2010 at 12:34 am |
To My Changes in Life bloggers:
From time to timeI will post references for books that address our many changes:
Tao of the Defiant Woman (2007) C.J. Golden
Endings and Beginnings: When Midlife Women Leave Home in Search of Authenticity (2009) Ani Liggett, Ph.D.
Women and the Life Cycle: Transitions and Turning Points (1987) P. Allatt; T.Keil; A. Bryman and B. Bytherway (eds)
Transitions in a Woman’s Life: Major Life Events in Developmental Context(1989) R.T. Mercer, E.G. Nichols, G.S.
Who Am I …Now That I’m Not Who I Was? (2009) C. Goldman
Shift: Change Your Words, Change Your World (2009) J.S. Warfield
Held in Love: Life Stories to Inspire Us Through Times of Change M.Y. Brown; C. W. Treadway
Dance of the Spirit: The Seven Stages of Women’s Spirituality (1991) M. Harris
If anything in these books resonnates with you, please let other bloggers know!
February 15, 2010 at 2:27 am |
Welcome to those who found out about this blog from SCN or at the conference. I look forward to reading your posts
February 16, 2010 at 6:33 am |
Pat –
Thanks for posting those resources – I will definitely look into them after this semester (taking a class and teaching two!). Dance of the Spirit especially looks good to me. Good luck with the anthology – sounds like a great project!
February 24, 2010 at 12:56 am |
I think that I am in a voilent relationship I really dont know what to do about it. Please help
February 24, 2010 at 2:35 am |
Ruth,
Offering any counseling is beyond the scope of this blog. However, as one woman to another I would suggest that you seek counseling. If this is a domestic issue, you can contact your local domestic violence agency. I sincerely hope you can find some support for your situation.
February 24, 2010 at 3:03 am |
Ruth
I’m thinking of you and your situation. I, too, can offer no counseling, but am with you as you find your way in this difficult situation. Sending positive energy your way and wishing the best for you.
Joan
April 14, 2010 at 2:14 am |
Pat:
Congratulations on this great resource to women of all ages! I’m so proud of you. I will definitely pass it along to all my friends.
May 8, 2010 at 12:58 am |
This is for Ruth or anyone who thinks that they are in a violent relationship. Immediately pray because you are going to need spiritual aide and guidance from a higher authority. Next plan,plan,plan, because I was in one and I know to get out will take help from multiple resources you have to trust someone even if everyone blames you.(and even if you blame you.)Trust yourself then that you can get you out of what you have got yourself into. Report all incidents to the police, even if they seem irritated or tell you its your fault because you NEED the reports and complaints documented. Get a personal protection order. Do NOT continue to communicate with the abuser, or if they live with you shorten your communication. Abusers use your everyday thoughts and actions against you. Do not let them know what you are planning or thinking take back your power slowly by getting them out of your head. Get away from this person or situation ASAP. Sometimes domestic violence is the prelude to something worse like rape, child molestation or murder. Take your situation seriously and never take matters beyond the proper authorities. I am a domestic violence survivor, there are alot of people who will blame you, limit you, and discourage you, but don’t stop because for everyone of them there are more people who will help you get where you need to go. I have definitely had a life changing experience and you must be courageous, honest, determined, and humble to receive help with this situation. Visit your nearest police station and ask them questions, they’re not there to give legal advice but they can help you alot with what not to do in this situation, because one domestic violence call could end up in your arrest if not handled and reported properly, and always follow through, give honest reports and press charges.
May 8, 2010 at 7:30 pm |
I am and have been in a abusive relationship for over 10 years. The relationships has been mentally and physcially abusive. He owes me over $10,000.00 due to loans and other perosonal loans I have been pressured to give him. He also cheats and lies to me constantly. I want the money I loaned him and my life back. I am very sad depressed and scared and have been felling this way for a long time. I want all of this to end and want to advocate for other victims.
May 10, 2010 at 9:59 pm |
willette It may be very difficult to get him to pay you back all the money he owes you. While this is unfortunate I think you need to focus on getting what is best for you physically and emotionally. Are you in any type of therapy? I know it can be expensive to go for counseling but there are usually resources at discounted or no fee rates at community mental health centers or local offices for victims of domestic violence. I think once you have yourself in a healthier position mentally and physically, your experience will be valuable to other women in similar situations. Keep us posted on your decisions.
May 16, 2010 at 11:02 pm |
I want to recommend some great books to all my bloggers. For my midlifers, there are three books written by Joan Anderson that address the issue of “changes” in our lives: A Year by the Sea: Thoughts of an Unfinished Woman; An Unfinished Marriage; A Walk on the Beach: Tales of Wisdom from an Uncoventional Woman; and Second Journey: The Road Back to Yourself. For my bloggers of any age, going through any of the many changes I recommend : A Weekend to Change Your Life: Find Your Authentic Self After a Lifetime of Being All Things to All People. I’d love to read any comments from those who have read these books and/or after they read them
May 23, 2010 at 3:17 am |
For all of you midlife and older women some ideas on the beauty of aging
A Personal Perspective On Beauty As We Age
Most of us remember when menopause was referred to as “change of life”. Unfortunately for many women, and much of society, this phrase was interpreted as “end of life”; a time during which a sense of loss and unquestioning acceptance of being “less” than we once were permeated women’s lives. The current, accepted use of “menopause” to describe this time of bodily changes, when examined closely, can actually be viewed as more positive, offering more hope for mid-life women. The term is meno PAUSE. Rather than an “end” this PAUSE denotes a stop along the way in how women perceive and experience themselves and those around them. It is during that “pause” that women have the opportunity to reflect upon and “re-evaluate” many aspects of their lives.
Many of the areas women pause to reflect upon and evaluate are deeply personal and internal. Some women may choose to examine their sense of spirituality. Others may take a second look at their close relationships, be it with spouses, children or friends. Others may re-evaluate how they nurture their body and spirit.
There is, however, one aspect of the lives of women at menopause and beyond that is external and as such is often open to the judgment of others as well as the woman herself. It is one in which everyone, eg. Society, the media and those that are important in a woman’s life, have an opinion: A woman’s beauty. What does this mean in mid-life? Is it like the “change” that meant the “end” of being beautiful as determined by others, and unfortunately, at times, the woman herself? Or is it a “pause”, an opportunity to re-evaluate the meaning of beauty as we age?
What would happen if a mid-life woman approached her definition of beauty in the same manner that she internally reflected on her spirituality, relationships, and ability to self nurture? What if there was a mirror that revealed the beauty inside her “self”, deep into her soul, her spirit? How might a woman view her “problem” areas differently?
START WITH YOUR LIPS: It has been said that our lips narrow and fade in color as we age. Rather than running out for Botox, look inside and recall the times of joy in your life that brought on laughter; the pride you have in your accomplishments and your belief in a future full of possibilities. Suddenly your lips are fuller and your smile brighter.
HOW ABOUT THOSE EYES? Are they not quite as bright as when you were younger? Are the lids a bit droopy? As you peer into this mirror allow the sense of awe and wonder you experienced as you witnessed the miracles of life: the birth of a child; the beauty of a sunset to come through. Suddenly your eyes sparkle and grow wider.
PERMANENTLY FURROWED BROW? A normal result of stress and tension? Looking into the mirror, imagine how life has been or will be when you erase the negative judgments of yourself and others and replace them with love and acceptance. Suddenly your forehead smoothes out and your reflection becomes peaceful and relaxed.
SKIN LOOKING DRAB? Reflect upon ways in which you successfully met life’s challenges and the wisdom you have gained. Suddenly your face will glow with confidence and appreciation.
Now, borrowing from a fairy tale, ask the mirror: Who is the most beautiful of them all? The response you will receive: It is you who have created the most beautiful woman you can be.
June 3, 2010 at 12:22 am |
Something I wanted to share for anyone who is experiencing a transition, change or approaching/involved in conflict or difficult time. It is in these times that it is most important to remember the following:
I commit myself, today-
I vow to listen to and follow and believe in my goodness, to recognize my strength and wield it with the added power of compassion, to know my heart and trust it and not turn to outside expectations to feed it, but rather turn to my own inner guidance to lead me to me, myself I give my love- and it is from me, myself, my love is returned (author unknown)
June 28, 2010 at 3:17 am |
For Ruth, I noticed you wrote early in the morning. I know why. You also said very simply ‘I need help’. If you are still having problems, do you have a trusted friend?You need a place to hide and FEEL protected if you cant find a shelter. Call the hot line for domestic violence. Also if you get there, most will give you a free phone to call police as long as it is charged there is no cost to call 911. I hope you stay safe
December 15, 2010 at 10:08 pm |
Wow what a wonderful site you’ve put together for women of all ages and backgrounds. Thanks Pat!