Can You Tell When Your Partner Is Lying?

Probably Not...

Most people want to know the truth. So, it must come as no surprise that the subject of liars and how to spot them has been examined for decades. There have been some surprising discoveries, and one of the main points that has been studied was “non verbal cues” What we’re going to take a closer look at is how to figure out if your spouse is cheating on you by taking note of their non verbal red flags.

most of the research on the topic is driven by the belief that lying is difficult to conceal because lying takes more mental effort than telling the truth, emotions give people a way when they lie, and lastly, lying causes more anxiety, and stress than telling the truth. Essentially, the consensus is that people “leak out” signs of deception through nonverbal actions or our body language, which is very hard to control.

So, what does research tell us?

When lying, people are more likely to offer shorter responses, fidget, make speech errors (more uhm’s, err’s, and ah’s), and blink more. Research also proves that when lying people DO NOT break eye contact. Liars and truth tellers are both likely to “look you in the eye”

Unfortunately, researchers say that using nonverbal behavior as a detector for deceit is not very useful. The reason why that is said because love is blind. When people are in love, they place a lot of trust in their romantic partners and think they know them well. While this trust provides people with a sense of security and comfort, it creates an opportunity for deception. Every study conducted shows that lovers have a very difficult time actually telling when their partners are lying. Even though detecting deception is tricky even with complete strangers, loved ones some how take this “skill” to a new low.

This finding is called the "truth-bias" and it is one of the most documented findings when it comes to deception, love and romance. As people become more personal and emotionally involved they also become less accurate at detecting their partner's deception. People are too willing to give their romantic partners the benefit of the doubt on too many occasions. The "truth-bias" helps explain why deception is almost always discovered by accident. More often than not, people have a difficult time imagining that their partner could be lying.

Perhaps the easiest way to see the "truth-bias" is not in your own relationship, but a friend's relationship. Have you ever had a friend who was in love with someone, but your friend could not see how his or her lover might be dishonest? Of course, it was much easier for you to see the truth, rather than your friend.

The bottom line is we tend to trust the people who are likely to deceive us, and the people that do deceive us we love and trust the most. When faced with suspicions, and doubt, keep all these findings in mind, and try to look at things from an unbiased point of view.

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As always, if you have any comments, questions, and/or concerns then feel free to leave a comment.


-Drew Bryant