product review: Sassybax “Bralette”

Dear Sassybax,

Please make all of your products in larger sizes. We will make you rich.

Love,

fatgirlonadate (on behalf of Fatties Everywhere)

Lately, my bra situation has gotten pretty dire. I’ve worn ’em all out, and I’m at least a size larger than what I’ve been wearing anyway, and it’s just not easy to find comfortable, cute bras in a 48 D. I wouldn’t call the Sassybax Bralette cute, exactly, but it is so god-damned comfortable I promise you that you will not care.

The bra is “seamlessly knit from the Sassybax microfiber nylon and Lycra blend, 360° in the round,” whatever that means. Here’s the deal: It’s all one piece, it’s extremely stretchy, and – best of all – it didn’t pull or prod or squeeze or leave marks on my back or my sides. Because it didn’t prod or pull or squeeze or leave marks, it also didn’t create lumps where my fat hung over the edges of the bra. I wear a 22/24 and the  2x (their largest size) fit me beautifully.

I almost made this post a public service announcement, but a few minor quibbles got in the way. It would be perfect if the straps were wider and made of a non-stretchy material. Thin straps are hell on a fat girl’s shoulders – no matter how supportive the bra, they can’t help but dig in at least a  little. The stretchiness of the straps also contribute to an overall less-than-ideal level of supportiveness. The Bralette keeps your boobs where they belong (and trust me, mine need a lot of assistance from the Bra Gods to go where I want them to go), but they won’t be perfectly perky.

Overall, it’s a great bra. I wish they made the rest of their line in larger sizes (like, um, the underwire version of the Bralette. If they’re bothering to make some of their products in larger sizes, why on earth isn’t the underwire among them?), but it’s a start.

(An aside: It took a lot of willpower not to title this post “I’m bringing Sassybax… them other boys don’t know how to act… take ’em to the bridge!”)