Holy Vernacular

Got your attention didn’t I?  And I’m curious whether you are jealous.  Cause that probably says something about your age.

Actually I haven’t been on a date with Justin — YET!  But I just got an email from a movie ticketing company, and they want me to enter a contest to win a date with him.  So I probably will.  Hey, why not?  I’m feeling lucky; I bet I’ll win.

The prize is a “date” with Justin at the screening (in my own hometown) of his movie, Never Say Never. I will be allowed to invite 30 people on our date with us, to see the movie (as long as none of them are younger than 13 and as long as no one is engaged in behavior that is — and I quote — “obnoxious or threatening, illegal or that is intended to annoy, abuse, threaten or harass any other person…”).   Each will receive a soda and popcorn (I suspect butter may be extra).

If my guests act badly on my date with Justin, then — and I quote —  “Sponsor reserves the right to terminate the Screening early, and send the Grand Prize winner and/or his/her guests home with no further compensation.”  They are treating us like we are, well, Justin’s age.

The only other problem with this date scenario is that Justin might actually stand me up.  I kid you not.  I have read the fine print for this contest.  Read on in horror:

“The Screening may include an appearance by Justin Bieber; provided, however, due to talent scheduling exigencies and time constraints, Sponsor and Sweepstakes Entities cannot guarantee such appearance from Mr. Bieber. In the event that Mr. Bieber is unavailable to attend the Screening due to scheduling conflicts, time constraints, or for any reason, the Grand Prize shall not include the appearance by Mr. Bieber and the remaining components of the Grand Prize shall constitute full satisfaction of Sponsor’s prize obligation to the Grand Prize winner, and no other or additional compensation will be awarded.”

So the bottom line is that this is a potential appearance by Justin.  One of those things where he’ll be there unless he’s not. And what could happen is that I tell everyone I know that I’m going on a date with Justin, but may have to be satisfied with a soda and popcorn and a movie screening (“Screening” actually)  with 30 of my BFF’s who must act really calm and not freak out, whether Justin is there or not, or we’ll be sent home early to bed.

So is this ACTUALLY a date?  Is there anything to look forward to here?

I started out planning to write a post about all the things I would talk to Justin about if we went on a date — probably laying the groundwork with a frank discussion about my marital status (going on 29 years).  Then we’d turn to discussions about homework tips, teeth-flossing and how he’ll wish later in life that he’d formed that habit, some suggestion for college essays (“the time I went on a date by staying home”), and maybe even a conversation about how to learn that critical life skill, parallel parking, before he gets his driver’s license.

Awwwww, I don’t mean to razz Justin.  He’s simply young.  And I know there are zillions of girls who would love to go on a date with him.  He’s just not my demographic (if I were even in the market for dating).

But my blogpost changed directions when I started feeling all defensive for the young girls who really will think they are going to have a chance to go on a date with Justin and who don’t read the fine print (cause who does?) and who will find out on the magical day that Justin has been detained elsewhere by foreseeable “talent scheduling exigencies and time constraints.”  And then slit their throats because they’ve invited 30 friends, bought a cute outfit, and promised popcorn and soda to all.

That’s when things will indeed get “obnoxious or threatening, illegal” and people will do things that are “intended to annoy, abuse, threaten or harass … other person(s).”  And they’ll be sent home early.

Kids today have enough problems.  Teasing them about the possibility of a date with Justin is just plain cruel.

I’m glad I read the fine print and decided not to enter the contest.  I couldn’t take the letdown.

No end to great prizes...

~ by Cary on February 1, 2011.

Posted in Culture
Tags: culture, movies, music