That is the question which is currently plaguing Mandy's life.
Turns out we did our best but we were only able to save enough money for about one semester of tuition for Mandy at a University. Which means if she goes away to college it will be with loans. I actually applied for financial aide in order that I could finish my degree this year and I was denied. We make even more money this year and I am pretty certain we will not be able to get any grants. Mandy will apply for some scholarships but we are doubtful in that area as well. She got good enough grades to get into the college of her choice but beyond that scholarships are not likely.
Mandy could save $24,0000 dollars if she went the community college route instead of the living in the dorms at the university route. I crunched the numbers and living at home all four years, going to the local community college the first two years and then going to her university of choice from home via a satellite campus just down the road would give her the opportunity to receive the exact same degree at a savings of $24,0000. That is a lot of money in our family.
I haven't even gotten one degree yet. I think of college as something I wanted to give my daughter more than anything. I am so upset that over the last eighteen years I did not save more and I am not able to give her this free and clear. Feeling like a failure. I know that my decision to be a stay at home mom for the last seven years is the major reason we do not have the money saved to send her away free and clear. I am feeling pretty low. I have to admit here that my decision to be a stay at home mom was mostly for me. I love this job. These years have been the best of my life. I feel like staying home with my kids is the one thing in this world that I was born to do. It is my favorite thing, my passion.
I know that my being home has been beneficial to Amanda. Mandy was in daycare from four until eleven, before and after school. I couldn't afford world class care and so she got the other kind of care. She hated it. Mandy's personality is the type that she likes coming home and being with mom. I have also been able to drive her to work everyday. Drive her to volleyball everyday. She was able to do a lot of things that she wouldn't have been able to do because I was always able to drop everything and give her what she needed. But, for the most part being a stay at home mom has made my job as mom easier and given me the chance to do the mom thing without the added stress of a job. I am not the type of person who does stress well. I like this laid back life. I gave up having extra stuff so that I could really enjoy the years my kids are young. But, I also gave up the ability for the rest of the family to have a lot of cool stuff that extra cash can give. They all agree that my being home adds to the quality of their lives in non-monetary ways. But, I still feel bad that my decision has cost Amanda the chance to go away to college free and clear of any financial concerns.
If Mandy chooses to go away to school. We have told her that we are prepared to take on as much of the financial burden as possible to limit the amount of money borrowed. We will help her pay back whatever money she does end up having to borrow. We have above 800 credit scores and will be able to get her the best interest available. She can live at home after college while she is getting her loan paid off and working her way up the corporate ladder. But, at the end of the day she will be responsible for paying off a large portion of her college tuition.
Currently Mandy has no idea what she wants to pick as her major, what she wants to do for a living etc. Which means she most likely will end up on the five year college plan. Which will add even more debt to her student loan if she chooses the university route. Mandy is also worried about being around a bunch of people whose morality is not like her own. She is very much against drinking, drugs and sex. She didn't get those ideals from me but that is how she feels and she is worried that living in the dorms she will be a fish out of water.
I put this forth because I know that most of my readers are products of the college dorm and have university degrees. So enlighten me folks. What am I missing. Why should I encourage my reluctant to go away to college daughter to actually go away to college. After taking into consideration the money and lack of direction, what are the advantages of going away to college? Also take into consideration the fact that Mandy has traveled the world: Europe, Africa, Asia. The choice is hers, we often discuss the pros and cons of each side and the pros for going away to college I don't have anything to add to that list. I say something like: experience of a lifetime and she says something like, quit saying that mom. So give me some reasons for going away to college or tell me that community college and living at home are not the worst thing in the world.
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17 comments:
Schools, especially colleges are businesses. And they want your business. They create an allure about the "experience" of college, a myth that it's what you need to launch into the world and be successful. But like any "product" that's pushed it's false. It won't magically make your life better. I'm a believer in internships (relevant and real), plain old work experience, and a streamlined degree, if you have to have one. I think a general undergraduate degree can be a huge waste of time and money. Most people I know who went to college because they thought they "should" ended up with a degree (with a major) that they don't use.
First I went to community college, then I went to a private ($$$$) art school that was very focused on marketable skills, and while it was fun and exciting, I went only as long as it took to get a great portfolio, then launch into my field, which I did. For me a degree never meant as much as good work in my field.
I get such a strong sense of your love and care for your girls!
my two cents,
with warmth,
P-
Thanks Patrice, you insight is much appreciated. If only I could get Mandy to come up with an idea of what she would like to do as a career. I think that would help a lot. Right now nothing inspires her. Last night I was reassuring her that someday she would find her passion. She said, I think I already have mom. Karate. But, um, she has never taken a single lesson. And we were talking about careers and college. I do love my girls more than anything. I am enjoying being their mom. Such a priveldge and so much fun. But, sometimes they drive me nuts!
I think starting at a community college is a great idea. I think the teachers were actually better at the CC i attended before moving on to a "real" college.
i went to a community college my first two year (it wasn't by choice, i was given a full ride to a smaller state school, but my dad promised me if i wen to the CC, where my step-mom worked, he'd pay for my last two years at KU. he didn't follow through on his promise, oh well).
the two years i spent at the community college taught me more than what i learned at KU. i got to meet real people who were there trying to better their lives, working multiple jobs and raising families. the professors cared and wanted to know you as a person.
going to the university of kansas was a nightmare. the only reason why i stuck through it (and graduated of 30 thousand in debt - and never even lived in the dorm) was to have that fancy pants big school degree.
let mandy choose what she wants - but keep in mind, the smaller the school, the more personable the staff. the more access you have to enjoy ALL the different programs of studying.
and on a side note, i don't think it's the parents responsibility to send the kids to college. college isn't for everyone and by 18 you're an adult. i hope to help my kids go to school, but i won't give them a free ride, even if we can afford it.
Meno: Thanks for weighing in.
Capello: Thanks so much Laura for your thoughtful response. I will pass along your wisdom to Mandy. You have given us a lot to think about.
I went to a 4 year state university, sight unseen, by myself while my parents were overseas. My freedom let me do some wild things. I was not focused on school, at first. I knew what I wanted to do but there was no guidance. I loved college and I am glad that I had that experience however, that being said, I do wish I had been focused on academics rather than social aspects. I think that if Mandy is not sure of what she wants and she is a little uncomfortable with going to a big school then she should stay home for the first year, at least and go to CC. She should not do it on line, she needs to get out and meet others and be a part of the school. I also think that you guys should go and check out some of the universities to get a feel for their campus'. When I was a freshman in highschool my dad took me to UVA...long story short, it was way to preppy for me, I knew I did not want to go there. But that is the only school I ever visited. I loved the school I went to, and I think Mandy should ultimately try to graduate from a University, but start out slow. I have to disagree with Patrice in that getting a degree is a waste of time and money. One may not end up working in whatever their degree is, but the learning that takes place makes you more worldly, more aware, more knowledgable...things that can never be taken away from you. Yes, Mandy has seen many places around the world, but going to college will open her eyes to so much more. Also, contact the enlisted and officers clubs, they have scholarships so does the First Sargents and I think there are a few others on the base...take advantage. Look online for scholarships there are a lot of them out there that people do not know about. If she wants to go to school, let her choose where, help her as much as you can, and don't discourage her. When there is a will, there is a way...that is my 2 cents.
I think community college is a good "stepping stone" from high school to university. Living on the coast, you probably know about Mississippi Gulf Coast Community College. They have a campus in Perkinston that has dorms. Here's a link: http://www.mgccc.edu/LOCperkinston_campus.htm
I went there. It's good because it gives the experience of living away from home, but is still close enough to drive home on weekends and such. And it's really cheap compared to a university.
Good luck to Mandy, no matter what she decides to do.
it took me 8 years to earn a 4 year degree at 3 schools. i am still paying it off.
the only thing you get from living in the dorms is drinking, drugs, sex, football games, and some really good friends.
i spent 2 years at a community college fixing my GPA after partying at UF. then i spent 2 years at a small private liberal arts college, which cost a buttload of money -- that i am still paying off -- but it was worth it. the small class size and mandatory attendance policy at the small school gave me a much better education.
if mandy is not into partying, don't pay the extra money. and i don't think it's your responsibility to pay for it all -- helping financially is a bonus, but it's not required. i'm sending my kids to welding school.
The major "pro" of going away to college is that you're more likely to FINISH college. When you live at home and go to community college, you're more likely to want to actually start a real job (community colleges have great opportunities for credit while you work, and encourage it at the campus) and then you end up like me and it takes 20 years. I did my first two years at community college. When you're away at college, you can focus on school instead of on joining the real world. Besides, all that drugs, sex and other vices is part of the real world Mandy will eventually have to deal with, there are plenty of people away at college with the same morals that she can join forces with. On the financial aid part, I'm confused because how is it possible that I've been approved for financial aid for all these years but you were not? I don't know how well the government pays your hubby, but AOL pays mine a hefty salary and I still qualified. ?? Our Jake has yet to make his college decision too. He wants a small college, but not community, and not in some podunk town, and that has a good physics program, and that is still public so it doesn't cost an arm and a leg. I don't think anything exists that will live up to what he wants. Good luck to Mandy.
You couldn't be less of a failure. You are just like millions of other families. So first off, stop thinking that way.
There are obvious life altering experiences to be had in the college campus environment, but the truth is, if it isn't an experience she's dreamed of or feels ready for, there is not one single thing wrong with that. It's not for everybody.
The community college route sounds like a smart (and wise) option to me. And who knows? Maybe she can get a place of her own close to home, with a friend or something. Life experience happens where you are, not where you think you "should" be. You know?
We always told all of our children (6 of them) that it was up to us to do all we could to see that they graduated high school but college was up to them and if they wanted a "free" ride their grades needed to get them there. 2 out of the 4 that have graduated have gotten a free ride...actually have gotten paid each semester to attend school. Another one has graduated college but she got married young and had to get loans to put herself through school, but she did it. We still have 2 in school and the oldest went to trade school (auto body work) and has a full-time job doing that.
It is not your responsibility to fully pay for her college. There are so many scholarships out there for things other than grades. If she attends a community college for a couple of years and has good grades she has a chance of getting scholarships there too. I attended CC (and graduated from CC) and after one semester I received scholarships every semester from the college because of my grades.
She also is very young. There are so many people who go to college thinking they want to major in a certain area, spend all that time and money on that degree and then get out in the real world and realize they hate it...that's not their calling.
If she has any inkling as to what she might possibly be interested in, try to see if she can volunteer or work in that area to see if she is REALLY interested in that before devoting 4 years to studying for it. Good luck!
I started at a comm college and went on to dorm life and the university to finish out the 4 years. I'd highly recommend that route. I liked the smaller class size and one-on-one contact with actual professors (rather than grad students).
Just be sure to check ahead of time that the courses will transfer 1:1. Sometimes the credits transfer but not the course itself. For example, they may say that the comm college gen ed biology course isn't as "advanced" and make you take it again at the U.
Wow, great comments. I don't envy Mandy and the family's dilemma. I went away to a 4-year college, spent 1 year in a dorm and got married and finished my BA and went on to finish a JD at a large public university. I treasure the university experience but it all depends on what you are looking for, what you think you want to be when you grow up and where you want to be. I wanted to get away from home. Being on your own is good and bad since you have to learn to take care of yourself or not. Parents aren't around to bail you out all of the time.
My older son spent 2 years away, came home for 1 year and spent his senior year in Italy. The plus side of dorm living is that you make friends easier--the kind that can be life long. My son is godfather to 2 of his college friends children and they are all close still. But it is expensive.
My younger son spent last year at a small private college and this semester is at home going to a local community college because of family circumstances. While he likes the experience ok, he still thinks the teaching was better at the private college.
When I went back to school to learn more about design, I choose my local community college which was affordable and the quality of the teaching was great.
I am rambling I know, but the bottom line is once Mandy gets an idea of what she thinks sounds interesting, you all can begin to see a plan. However, it seems like a community college for that AA might be a good idea if it has a good reputation and she doesn't mind living at home. It will be somewhat like a continuation of high school, but for some students that's what they want and need.
Thanks everyone for your thoughtful comments. I am going to pass them all along to Mandy and I guess for now it is a wait and see game.
I love the idea of community college for the first couple of years. It gives her an opportunity to get great grades, save money, find her focus and then apply to and attend a school that will really be suitable for her.
Wow. Looks like you have gotten lots of good advice. Hope it helps.
It's taken three months, but I finally understand what you meant by "financial aid." I've never qualified for grants or "free money" it's always been student loans that I was approved for -- you were saying you didn't qualify for the free money. Now I understand. I have never qualified for the free money either, I took on the loans because I considered it an investment in my future. I hope I made the right choice. I've applied for Graduate school here in NC now, I took the MAT and got my three recommendations from previous professors, and wrote a 3-page Statement of Purpose. Now I wait to see if they accept me. Jake was accepted at East Carolina University, which is two hours away from home, and we're still waiting for a decision from NC State University, which is a half hour away. He doesn't want to accept the ECU offer without knowing the NC State decision. Either way he plans to live at the dorm (adding thousands more to his student loans, of course). I guess one advantage Jake has over Mandy is that he's known what he wants to do since he was about a Sophomore. I'm glad he's so sure. Here I am at 40 and I'm still not sure what I want to do with my life. Whatever happens, Mandy will find her own way and it will all work out the way it's supposed to. That's what I tell myself, anyway, when I start to get stressed thinking I have to figure everything out and make it happen perfectly.
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