Although I would not classify myself as a Democrat or a Rebublican, I believe that there are a few things you player haters at
at MPT need to know about your beloved George W. Bush! What a great American.
The state of Texas, under the leadership of Governor George W. Bush, is
ranked:
50th in spending for teachers' salaries
49th in spending on the environment
48th in per-capita funding for public health
47th in delivery of social services
42nd in child-support collections
41st in per-capita spending on public education
And ...
5th in percentage of population living in poverty
1st in air and water pollution
1st in percentage of poor working parents without insurance
1st in percentage of children without health insurance
1st in executions (average 1 every 2 weeks for Bush's 5 years as
Governor)
I'm sure he'll do the same great job at the national level!
Cy
Cyclone
Atlanta, Ga USA -
I demand an immediate recount of my cock(s)! I'm fairly certain I have only one, but the American people deserve a speedy and thorough manual recount to erase all doubt. Of course I would expect an unbiased bipartisan group to perform this vigorous hand tally -- might I suggest the Andrew Jackson Jr. High cheerleading squad? Do it for the democracy, won't you? It's the will of the people!!
Tim Priestly
Pinch, WV USA -
1. Nothing wrong with hand counts...if you do every
ballot in the US under strict supervision. Until that
time, it is unfair to only hand count certain
democratic counties. Most democrats can't comprehend
this.
2. Again, he is challenging it because of it's
unfairness in only counting certain counties. He is
challenging because he is allowed to by law. It was
overturned by law. He didn't invent the system.
3. Tell me about pollution and shcool systems. You
want to talk about it but you don't say anything.
Once again a liberal( not self labeled though) with
not one fact or valid argument. In fact you are a
liberal, not only with no facts but no solution. Gore
couldn't even win his home state, nor his buddy bill's
state. Bush won 70% of the vote in his state. Tells
you something right there.
4. As for fucking my big pile of money. This is
typical of a liberal. That's a great statement.
Which political stance does that fall under? How would
you like me to defend it? That's just plain ignorant.
5. I did look for a frat to join on the ballot but I
couldn't find one. Shucks. This again makes you look
like you just want to call me names because I disagree
with you.
6. I am sorry you get mad instead of having a mature
conversation. Maybe you can turn my rebuttal into
jive so it makes you feel better.
7. Go Bush.
8. go mpt
trent t
USA -
OK, Let's have a serious talk on politics... Let's
> start with Governor Bush's
> stance on the hand-counting of ballots. Is he for it
> or against it? He did
> sign a law in Texas in support of hand-counts,
> didn't he? After that, let's
> talk about his stance on state's rights, as opposed
> to federal oversite. As a
> strong supporter of local rights, why is he
> challenging Florida's decision to
> recount in federal court? After you explain that,
> let's talk about polution
> in Texas, the state of their public school systems,
> etc.
>
> I'm generally concervative. I don't wear the label
> "republican" though. Some
> people, like you,insert name here, need to join things, like
> frats and political
> parties.... In the case of this election, I am not
> supporting a party, but a
> person. I voted for the best person to serve as
> President. I don't vote how a
> "party" tells me to.
>
> Go fuck your big pile of money.
sam
USA -
We here at MPT sincerely apologize to all of the Republican letters that we 'jivenated'.
Do to technical errors, we cannot return them to their original states. We thought this would be funny.
You may or may not think it was. We would like to assure you, the members of this forum, that we will not
tamper with any letters from now on. Thank you and we love you.
MPT voice of apology
USA -
hi. i am ass lover. i love ass. if you are an extra-large lady that likes having her ass loved, please write to me. my address is asslover@hotmail.com. thank you.
ass lover <asslover@hotmail.com>
USA -
Danny, no one commented on my offer to "penis count" each Presidential ballot in Florida either, but you don't see me getting upset. Just stay calm.
Mike Millstone <rockhard.com>
USA -
No one has yet to respond to my letter on the coming ice age.... Do you all have your heads up your asses? I thought that MPT fans would be more vocal on issues of the environment and global citizenship.
danny sizemore
USA -
Your site's a complete puzzlement to me. I think it's one thing and then I follow a link to another page and it becomes something different altogether. It's fascinating. My question to you is this... What do you want for this site to be?
Steve Higgins <shiggins@uwisconsin.edu>
Madison, USA -
Ed, this is a public forum meant for the friends, fans and family of the monkey power trio. I am within my legal rites to talk about my feet, my vagina, my politics, or anything else I please. Unlike you, I am a fan of the music and own all the records. I am a real fan, not just some fucking stupid frat boy who likes "You Gotta Have Hope" because it's used in commercial for FOX Sports. I will be here in ten years. I doubt you'll be here in ten days. Don't you have a Britney Spears or Korn concert to run off to now? I'm the real deal. MPT Forever! Freedom of speach is alive and well on monkey power dot com!!!
brenda
USA -
Mom, don't worry about me. I got to England just fine. We landed on Saturday night, but this is the first time I've had a chance to get computer access. Donnie says to tell Krissie hello. Mrs. Trumble fell yesterday outsside of Wesminster Abbey. Right on her "bum." (Bum is English for butt. See all the great stuff I'm learning. Well, tell dad and Krissie that I said hello. I'll be back in two weeks. Tonight we are taking the bus out to the countryside. We're having dinner at a farm somewhere. Our itinerary (the one you have a copy of) got all changed around. We were supposed to do the farm dinner next week, but the schedule got all screwy. Anyway, things here are great. The weather is terrible (it's more gloomy and sprinkely than at home) but the group is good. We met up with a class from Philadelphia and we're doing a lot of stuff with them. I'll write more later. I need to write to Becky now. Love you, Jason.
Jason Gletz <jasong434@excite.com>
Toledo, OH USA -
Brenda, Your most recent notes caused me to go back and see what, if anything, you had posted in the past. It seems to me as though you've been at this for a while now... trying to provoke other fans of the Monkey Power into some kind of fight. You began by writing about your smelly, fat, blistered feet. You then accused the band of ganging up on you, by posing as different people, and limiting your first amendment right to talk about your feet in public. After that, you began to call the other chat room visitors here anti-vagina or something, saying that it was all dick talk and that you weren't given equal time. Then, when encouraged to tell about your vagina, you got all worked up and offended! Now, you are accosting everyone with your wrong-headed liberal politics. Stop being such a bully. You're acting like this is the Jerry Springer show, and not a music forum. If there was a young woman in my class with an attitude like yours, I would encourage her single parent to slap her across the face.
Ed S. <bigking@nonstop.tv>
Indianapolis, IN USA -
To all Gore Supporters:
If you ramble on about how Gore won the "Popular Vote" you show your ignorance for the process.
Preaching the power of Popular Vote is like saying your team got more hits in the baseball game
but you lost by a run. You should take pride in the fact that you were able to put the ball in play
more often than your opponent, but at that point you should wise up and realize the you LOST!
It's Runs/Electors that matter, not Hits/Popular Vote. Gore won the wrong game, too bad for him
The Constitution is based upon votes in the Electoral College not Popular Vote.
That being said, MPT Music is still very hard on the ears, but I will be listening to with glee
on Bush's inauguration night!
Shawn
USA -
In your mouth
brenda's husband
USA -
Jason, have you made it to London yet? Your father and I are getting worried about you. Please write to us as soon as you can and let us know how the trip is going. Love, mom.
Anna Gletz <mrsgletz@excite.com>
Toledo, OH USA -
Ha Ha!! I got you. You aren't my fucking husband, asshole!
brenda
USA -
OK, if you're my husband, where do we live?
brenda
USA -
Brenda, you puss inducing whore. You know that I voted for Bush also you reptilian vomit queen. Why is a republican a sore loser?
Your man Gore is the one who has lost two different counts. You really are retarded.
Now come home and wash the wheatie - like scabs from my penis.
brenda's husband
USA -
I volunteer to count all the questionable votes with the tip of my engorged penis. I have found that the tip of my penis is even more sensitive than the human hand. If given the opportunity to serve my country in this way, I would do so gladly. I would rub the very top-most area of my glans against the smooth cardboard surface, examining every micron for a possible indentation. My penis is waiting for its orders, Sir.
Mike Millstone <rockhard@aol.com>
USA -
I voted for George Bush. I think he is a fine man, just like his father. I refuse to think that Barbara and Big George could raise a bad child. I just don't believe it. They are good Christian people.
Stella Henson
Terrance, OK USA -
TO THE CONTROLLER OF THE FORUM: I am an MPT member who knows who controls this forum.
Please restore the text of all forum members back to their original state.
I don't think it is fair to make them speak jive. It only shows them
that if we disagree with them, we have nothing to say ourselves.
I speak of this openly in the forum because although I think jive should be the
official language of America, I don't want to alienate fans of our band. Although
I have yet to voice my political beliefs on this page, I think we all deserve a right to
do so. Of course, we could vote on that and if I lose I will concede...after a recount, another
manual recount, some type of trick re count, and then the famous every other one recount.
mpt member
USA -
The only "chocolate twinkie" I eat is my husband's... As for this nonesense you keep spouting about liberals, I wish you'd keep it to yourself. It's hog wash. That's all it is. You're just a bad loser. You can't deal with it that Al Gore is going to be our next President.... that your wife will be looking at his broad-shouldered image every day for the next four years, imagining him sliding his horse-like penis into her like Fatty Arbuckle through a Coney Island turnstile.
brenda
USA -
Gout, the electoral college, ass shaving.... I feel like I've been around the world and back in the course of the last hour. I can't believe so much information is packed into this one forum. It's truly amazing. I have half a mind to make it mandatory reading for my 8th grade class.
Ed Syracuse <bigking@nonstop.tv>
Indianapolis, IN USA -
I hear that Al Gore's people are requesting a manual foot count in Forida if they don't like the results of the manual hand count.
Of course I guess you really can't call a foot count manual. Would it be pedual? Pediacle? Pericurick?
I am sure the hand count will be much more accurate than either of the first two machine counts. Let me guess...
will the counters be from the same counties as those that couldn't figure out how to vote? Hmmm..yes...much more accurate indeed.
Long live America and it's mediocrity! It's embarrassing. The whole liberal movement is embarrassing.
And people like Brenda eat it up like a chocolate twinkie.
al snore
USA -
Is that really a picture of one of you sucking your own dick?
M McCurty <mmc@powerforce.org>
USA -
Extinction is not some far and distant theory. It sits waiting, right around the corner. It is real. It has our number... The dinosaurs, with their pea-sized brains, did not have the foresite to stop their extinction. We, like Nero, play the violin as our world burns. What we have done is inexcusable. We have thrown away would could have been a wonderful future in exchange for shiny coins. One day they will talk of us like some now do the Native Americans who sold Manhattan for glass beads. We will be nothing more than the footnote to a joke.
danny sizemore
USA -
Uh-oh. What does shit smell like?
Mike Whitehead
Swayback, IL USA -
I cried myself to sleep last night, thinking about all the pain and sadness in the world. It feels as though a thousand shards of glass are cutting into my chest, trying to dif my heart out. The only thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that you, Mark, are out there, creating the kind of music that shows us all that there is indeed hope for us yet. Please do not give up. Don't let these "holigans", as you call them, keep you from your mission. God has chosen you and your band to save the world. You must not give in to the temptation of retirement. You must keep fighting the good fight.
sorrowful steve
USA -
I don't pretend to be a political scholar, but I believe George W. Bush is the governor of Texas. I don't recall this discussion of "qualification" coming up when Bill "Oh yes, suck it baby" Clinton was running as the governor of Arkansas. And if Bush is so inept, why did he take about 70% of the vote in Texas, while Al Gore couldn't carry his home state of Tennessee or Clinton's Arkansas? It seems that the people who know the candidates the best have spoken. Sheeeittt!
bullshit hater
USA -
Lighten up, you ass hole.
Clara Bang
USA -
Hello. My name is Mark Maynard and I am a member of the band, "The Monkey Power Trio." When we first launched this site, we did so with the hope that it would provide our fans a place to meet and chat with one another. We didn't have terribly ambitious goals in terms of e-commerce or building the MPT brand, but we did think that we might perhaps be able to bring some joy to few serious fans that we have. It was even suggested that some of our fans might be able to meet by way of this venue and perhaps find love in this cruel, lonely world of ours. I'm sorry to say however that this has not proven to be the case. Instead of using this forum as a place of dignity and respect, it has fallen prey to a bunch of holigans who insist on using it for their own selfish purposes. I don't see any love here. I don't see any respect. I don't see any serious discourse concerning the meaning of my often profound and beautiful lyrics... All I see is evidence of cultural decay, and it makes me sick. You have taken a lovely rose and used it to clean a toilet. I hope that you are happy.
Mark Maynard
USA -
That's funny, I don't rember writing my letter in "jive." Me thinks something smells fishy in the land of Monkeyville.
charlie
USA -
I would suggest that one could not, as you say, "revert to jive." Jive is a language of the future, not the past. It is a language built with blood from the dust of english.
Mrs. Karin Kramer <mrskramer@hawthorne.edu>
USA -
Hey. I like your site. It's funny and humorous. The songs are good though -- better than I expected they'd be. I thought they would be jokey, but they're not. They are really good. I especially liked, "Someday We'll Reach the Moon." Thanks.
Samuel Blevek
USA -
The unpresidented introduction of political discourse in the Talk Monkey section of the MPT website has taken the country by surprise and has resulted in much confusion. In an effort to restore order as quickly as possible and to clarify the different positions for our readers we request that Bush supporters use their native dialect: Redneck; and Gore supporters please revert to Jive. Thank you.
MPT Voice of Clarity
USA -
Mr. Floyd, Although it has never been pressed into vinyl, the Monkey Power Trio does have a song in their repetoire that may be of some use to you when considering alternatives to living with multi-colored balls. Their song, "Nutsack Suicide", recorded two years ago in New York City, deals almost exclusively with the two competing themes of "nut sacks" and "suicides." As the two are so intertwined in our society, it is difficult to separate one from the other. In one way or another, each of us with a nutsack is ultimately destroyed by it. It's like you're carrying around a little bag of poison with you every minute of your life. Just as the death clock starts ticking the moment you are born, so to does the suicide clock start once you testes begin to sprout hairs. With that said, I would think your only choice would be to take your life.
MPT Voice of the Nut Sack
USA -
Coo', ya' ax'ed fo' de liberal view and ah' gots'ta cut it t'ya'... Fust uh all, let's start wid dis premise- Go'e be de betta' man fo' de job. Co' got d' beat! If ya' start dere, everydin' else falls into place. See how easy dat is? Seriously, ah' do recon' dat Go'e be de betta' man fo' de job. Co' got d' beat! He gots bod de 'espuh'ience and da damn intelligence. Yeah man, he's somewhut bo'in' and robot-likes, but he's gots de right qualificashuns fo' de job. Co' got d' beat! Bush gots a long track reco'd uh ridin' on his Big Daddy's coattails and crashin' companies. ah' say if ya' kin't run some baseball team, ya' shouldn't be able t'run some country. Slap mah fro! Dat seems t'me t'be some fine logical rule uh dumb. Co' got d' beat! De only reason dat he be gettin' votes be a'cuz dose wid weald wanna keep it at all costs. Dat be de ONLY reason dat he be gettin' votes. Sucka's, unfo'tunately, gots put deir own sucka'al finances above all else. ah' hate t'have t'lecture, but dere is bigga' issues at hand, likes global warmin'. All de bre'd in de wo'ld ain't goin' t'help yo' grandkids when de polar ice caps begin t'melt. Man! Dere is bigga' issues dat ya', "hater", and yo' bre'd... Wid all dat said, however, ah' dink dat havin' Bush as Super-dude would be betta' fo' de country dan draggin' dis doodad drough de courts. ah' say dat we let dis end in Flo'ida wid de countin' uh de absentee ballots. Whut happened in Palm Beach County be a shame (it's clear dat many uh dose sucka's meant t'vote fo' Go'e, not Buchannan), but it should not effect da damn vote. A manual recount, in acco'boogie wid Flo'ida Law, yeah man. A re-vote, no. 'S coo', bro.
charlie
USA -
I feel great sorrow for both our crumbling democracy and the fellow with the tie died nut sack. I can't even begin to express how deeply both struggles have moved me.
Corrie Bess
USA -
This morning I farted for an unusually extended period of time and it smelled exactly like an electrical fire. Should I call a physician, or an electrician?
Jerry Hill
Humpback, AL USA -
Last night I got really drunk and repeatedly dipped my testicles into a bowl of easter egg dye. This morning I woke up with a cobalt blue nutsack. O demon alcohol!
Phil Floyd
Rashton, WI USA -
I'm scared I will eventually die without ever having lived. PS Always save your money.
hater #3bshlckr@bush.com>
USA -
ah agree wif bullshit hater. Up front, ah vote Republican, ah donít reckon they is puffick, jest closer t'mah views (which ah like t'share). ah also like t'hear Democrats an' other political beliefs. ah donít hate Democrats, ah jest reckon th' republican way is better at this hyar point in mah life. Thar is better solushuns out thar than whut we haf now, but mebbe ëSomeday weíll Retch th' Mooní as th' MPT ( who ah love) likes t'quip. On t'mah varmintal thunks. Th' popular vote argoomnt is not valid BECAUSE of th' way th' system is set up. Eff'n thar were no elecko'ate vote then obviously th' pop vote'd be th' one an' only decidin' facko'. Howevah, wif th' elecko'ate in place, a Republican fum say Noo Yawk may jest stay home on eleckshun day knowin' his state is full of Democrats an' his vote, he feels,'d be insignificant. Th' same is true fo' a Democrat in a Republican state. So until th' elecko'ate system is thrown out, ah reckon th' pop vote argoomnt is moot fo' eifer party. Th' avahage Jeremiah Springer watchin', excuse makin', lazy as a houn'dog, "ev'rybody desarves a fair chance...even eff'n they doesn't be hankerin' t'sacrifice", gimme mah we'fare check, gimme mah SS check, gimme, gimme, gimme Democrat doesnít unnerstan' this hyar o' menny other bo'in' FACTS. Th' avahage Democrat believes much of th' mainstream liberal media. They git riled up wif heart strin' pullin' sto'ies, sensashunalism, an' th' envy of not havin' as much as th' next guy. Eff'n ah didnít be hankerin' t'wawk hard o' hafta sacrifice t'git t'whar ah's hankerin' t'go, ah w'd vote Democrat. Whuffo' not? But a-comin' fum t'other side, whuffo''d someone who has wawked thar ass off, be hankerin' t'git taxed higher than someone who makes less o' tries less o' who has less. Now ah knows thet neifer party promotes a flat tax o' jest a sales tax an' no income tax ( this hyar is whut ah w'd want), but ah donít reckon we'fare an' less tax fo' th' pore is he'pin' ennyone. Less he'p, not mo'e aid, fum th' govment'd light a fire unner th' asses of some of th' laziess varmints in this hyar country an' he'p th' economah. ah believe thet profit does not equal greed, cuss it all t' tarnation. A Compennyís main goal is profit. So is yourn. So is ev'rybodyís. Yer hankerin' t'save. Yer hankerin' t'provide fo' yer fambly. Yer hankerin' t'be financially secure. So whuffo' kinít Billy Joe Gates does th' same wifout a penalty ( ie higher taxes)? On account o' he makes mo'e than yo'? On account o' he is incredibly successful? So wawk harder eff'n thet is whut yo' want. Donít bitch thet he makes too much. Thet seems t'be th' Democratís philosophy. Take fum th' rich greedy varmints an' spread it aroun'. Th' top 5% of th' varmints in this hyar country pay 75% of th' taxes. Whuffo' doesnít their vote count mo'e? Thar is a lot t'debate. A pareegraph wonít does this topic jestice. ah hope some Liberals pipe up an' give their opinions. ah w'd like t'hear whuffo' someone who makes mo'e money than yo' sh'd be taxed at a higher rate, o' whuffo' Co'po'ashuns sh'dn't git tax busts fo' openin' up a plant in a sartin town? Co'po'ashuns haf probably given mo'e South Car'linans a paycheck an' a job than yo' have. An' t'th' varmints who kinít figger out a ballotÖyo' haf four years t'larn how t'do it co'reckly. Please larn how t'do this. Yo' may also be hankerin' t'prackice openin' an' closin' an umbrella an' puttin' th' square block in th' square hole. Yo' gotta haf hope!
Bullshit hater #2
USA -
Today I was checking out one of the many "unofficial" Monkey Power fan sites, and found this great photo taken in the studio. I thought I'd pass it along.
http://phreakgallery.com/pgal/gulp.htm
Jimmy Moore
Fever Blister, AR USA -
Contrary t'popular belief, th' United States in NOT a democracy. It is a republic. Th' combined nashunal popular vote means shit. Th' foun'in' Pappys built in safeguards t'proteck us aginst "mob rule". An' ennyway, Go'e's popular vote lead is shrinkin' day by day as states complete their counts. Last ah sar, it was less than 100,000 votes, down fum 222,000 on eleckshun night. Whut in tarnation will be yer defense when it goes in Bush's favo', af'er all th' Clinton/Go'e-hatin' military votes is counted? An' this hyar noshun thet varmints's "civil rights" were violated on account o' they're too goddadburned stoopid t'use a simple ballot is ridiculous. They had their chance t'vote, jest like ev'ry other citizen, as enny fool kin plainly see. Stoopidity is not a defense. ah's reckonin' about callin' th' state lottery hyar in tears an' claim ah meant t'pick all th' co'reck lotto numbers, but was cornfused by th' fo'm, an' DEMAND a second chance t'fill it out. An' eff'n they refuse t'hono' mah requess ah's a-gonna take t'th' streets claimin' RACISM an' DISFRANCHISEMENT. All of it's bullshit, mumbo-jumbo. An', of course, stoopid South Car'linans is eatin' it up like a tasty meal at Denny's. ah cain't begin t'dexcribe mah disgest.
Bullshit Hater
USA -
hi. i am ass lover. i love ass. if you are an extra-large lady that likes having her ass loved, please write to me. my address is asslover@hotmail.com. thank you.
ass lover <asslover@hotmail.com>
USA -
I should add that Gore has the popular vote on his sade and that only 327 votes now seperate him from Bush in the Florida election. Even if the absentee ballots do not turn the election in Gore's favor, there are still issues relative to the Palm Beach ballot that need to be considered. Let's take one step at a time and allow our laws to run their due course. Let this election serve as an example to all the other nations of the world. Let democracy do it's thing...
shawn hater
USA -
George Bush has not won the election. If he should, however, take the position of President, it will be with the full realization by those he governs that he is neither wanted or respected. The people have spoken and what they're saying is that they want Al Gore. They are not comfortable with the idea of having a bumbling frat boy in the nation's highest office and that becomes more clear every day. While Al Gore is far from the perfect candidate, he does have the qualifications for the job. If you, Shawn, would be honest with yourself for one moment, you would see that. Look at the two men and size them up as you would two candidates for a job. Who has the experience?
shawn hater
USA -
This discussion concerning the relative length and girth of the members of the MPT members is getting to be a bit out of control. While the band appreciates the attention, they really don't feel as though it's a constructive use of this forum. They would rather you use this area to discuss the music. So, simply put... "MPT Music, Not Meat." Let this be your mantra. For the record, however, they would also like you to know that they are very, very, very well-endowed.
MPT Voice of Reason
USA -
Without a doubt, some of you, our loyal fans, will die in the upcoming civil war. Since we can not change this fact, we have done the next best thing. We have sped up production of the MPT 2,000 record and the official t-shirt. It is our hope that they can ship to you before all postal employees are drafted into national service under the rule of martial law. While nothing can make the long walk to the death chamber less grim, you may find some solice in knowing that you look good in that new, 100% cotton t-shirt. Good luck. Fight the good fight.
MPT Voice of Revolution
USA -
If you mean they suck as in 'They can suck their own cocks because they are large, then you are in fact correct young man.
I know this because I saw bitchy brenda get manhandled by these studs. It was impressive. Brenda, if you are out there, close your ass
I think it's still dripping. Your music rocks guys, hope to be your Manager again someday. I just need some time to meditate out west.
You guys are clearly misunderstood. People of today don't really get it. Hey, I am having lunch with Curly, the former Harlem Globetrotter today
I know one of you knows him personally. He is very nice and his wife is a hoot.
Mogina Vegas
Provo, Ut USA -
You guys suck! Go Bush!!!
Shawn
USA -
There's a gun and know show here outside of Lexington, KY in early December. I don't know the date, but I can find out. I think it's like the first weekend. I went to it last year and found some pretty good deals. I think it's the biggest one in the KY, TN, OH area. Probalby like a thousand dealers.
gun stuff
USA -
Before any rumors get started, please let me explain. I had taken various pieces of sporting equipment into the shower with me, to clean them while conserving water. I'm a very well-known environmentalist, you can ask anyone. Anyway, the floor of the shower stall was very slippery, and I took a violent tumble. And that's why I had four billiard balls and a tennis racket handle sticking out of my ass when I arrived at the emergency room. AND THAT'S THE ONLY REASON!!
Matt Heater
Open Sore, TN USA -
Good day... I am known as Gout Doctor. I am one of the few gout specialists currently practicing in the US. I've racked up nearly 500,000 miles on my car in the last two years alone. I travel from gout patient to gouot patient. Mine is a lonely life. Thank you for providing this outlet. I will use it often. God bless you all.
Gout Doc <goutdoc@aol.com>
USA -
Any word on the next big Gun and Knife show?
Trenton Kos <1234heman@aol.com>
Augusta, GA USA -
I am a mysterious stranger from the east.... I predict that you will always suck ass musicly.
monkey ass suck
USA -
Hello, I am Christopher Plummer, star of stage and film. You might remember me from such films as "The Sound of Music" and "Dances with Wolves." Well, I just happend to hit upon your little music site while doing research on singing monkeys. Ha Ha!! You can imagine my surprise. Well, I just thought I'd chear you on. Good work, Monkey Power gentlemen.
Christopher Plummer, star of The Sound of Music
USA -
Brenda, I can assure you that I, for one, am real... so shut the fuck up!
fan x
USA -
Since my last comments, it seems to me that the four of you are trying to outdo the others in your rediculous postings. PLEASE!! What do you take your fans to be? I was on to you then, and now a whole bunch of us are on to you.
brenda
USA -
Dear Mr. Fortnay, my name is Douglas Holland and, until very recently, I shaved human asses for a living. While it was sometimes a truly tiring job, I found it to be quite rewarding, and even spiritually fulfilling... There's nothing like seeing the smile float across a grown man's face once his ass has been shaved clean as a whistle! Well, in my studies of various thick, black tufts off wirey ass hair, I have found results very similar to what you are describing on your penis. Once you shave (or pluck, I suppose) the tuft, it's prone to grow back even thicker. As you can imagine, in my profession, this is a good thing, so I wasn't terribly anxious to discover a cure. I have, however, over the course of the last few years, discovered that the tighter the underwear one of my patients is wearing, the slower the growth. Contrarily, I've found that the prolonged use of butt plug type devices speed the growth of such hair folicles. I hope that these little bits of hard-earned wisdom help you find some peace of mind... Remember - "No Loose Panties, No Butt Plugs."
Doug Holland <doug@undergroundpress.org>
USA -
I feel certain that if there this country falls to the far right that MPT will be the soundtrack for the revolution. I am deadly serious about this. Your words are the words of the common man. Your music is the music of the dis-posessed. You are us, the people who have been told for too long that our opinions and ideas do not matter. You clutch at the neck of oppression with every note. Long live the Monkey Power Minute Men!!!
MPT fan xy
USA -
How about an underground railroad for MPT fans? There could be different "listening stations" set up around the world, places where those of us who are fans could find temporary solice.
fan x
USA -
Good morning, Monkey Power fan-base.... As you may have heard, our country last night refused to pick a President. As a result, the Monkey Power is left wondering what the future might hold. Our guess is that the world will descend into chaos and then gravitate toward evil. If that is to be the case, it may become very difficult for you to buy our records in the future, or even know when it is safe to speak of the joy our music brings you. For that reason, we are suggesting that we decide upon secret meating places, handshakes and phrases now, before it gets too late. We must act quickly.
MPT Voice from the Future
USA -
I've been kind of embarrassed to talk about this, so I'm really glad to find out about this weiner discussion group. A few weeks ago I started noticing some coarse black hairs popping up in my weiner area. I was alarmed, of course, and immediately plucked them out. But a couple days later they came back, along with even more of them! I keep pulling them out, but they keep coming back. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle here. I'm really scared. Does anybody know if this condition is serious? I don't want to die!!
Earl Fortney
Nitro, WV USA -
Hello, people of the earth, I am Dr Lebrosa.
Dr Lebrosa
USA -
I believe that metal prison bunks are still very popular in prison. As for why, I'm not sure. My guess is because prisoners have no choice.
Edwardo Crupta <jockeyboxer@aol.com>
USA -
Dear Monkey Power, I recently purchased a pair of metal prison bunks. Can you tell me anything about this type of furniture -- when it was popular, how valuable is it, and so on?
Sharon Matthews <sharma@hotsot.com>
Cedar Rapids, IA USA -
Hello. I like your site. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me, but the songs are good and the art work is nice. Keep it up.
Gretchen Forshay <GretchenF@aol.com>
Atlanta, GA USA -
Mr. Dong, Please kill the MPT.
x
USA -
My feet smel finea dnnd I don;t have no more but ich.
Kettle Pop
Oregon TWP, MN USA -
Hello. I am a killer for hire. If you ever need my services, just leave a note here in the Monkey Power open forum and address it to Langston Dong. I will get back to you within the fortnight. Thank you very much. I look forward to assassinating your enemies.
Langston Dong <killerforhire@hotmail.com>
USA -
Hello, I am almost certain that I am the Monkey Power Trio's most famous fan (unless, of course, you believe any of these letters concerning XXX film starlets from the Angstrom Video stables). I am a woman. I do not work in porn, although I have been seen topless in one film. I am in my 30's. I'm pretty sure that you've probably seen me in films. I've made over 10 and some of them have been pretty widely released. I just wanted to let you know that I like your stuff. I found it by accident, after having searched for "Cat Power". That took me to an interview that Mark Maynard did with Chan Marshal at the Matadore Records site. After that, I did a search for Mark Maynard, which brought me here. I've been listening to your stuff for the past few days now and I think I'm enjoying it more with each listen. It's no Cat Power, but it's pretty damned good. Great concept. Lots of fun. I'll keep an eye out for your spot on Fox Sports, unless that's a lie too... You boys should be more honest! I don't know what to believe.
Famous Fan
USA -
FYI... The four songs on the new record (MPT 2,000) have been selected and prepared for the factory. Soon it will be pressed and available for sale ($5 - postage included). We should also have the first official MPT shirts done soon. While other issues are still to be decided, we are allmost certain that they will be 100% cotton. Cotten, we have found, breathes better, allowing bad smells to escape, while locking in flavor.
MPT VOice of Commerce
USA -
As an ex-patriot of the United States, living upon the island of Japan, I can tell you quite certainly that your music is, without a doubt, "un-American." As I am the one to say it, it is certainly true. Your music drips with the sweat of anarchy. It is a home-made bomb, lobbed into the Christ child's baby basket. It is layered with the cries of the oppressed and the complaints of the poorly layed. I say, "Bravo, Monkey Power Gentlemen!"
Dickens Bangle
Kresto, Japan -
Can anyone recommed a fast-acting and cost-effective stool softener?
MPT Voice of Constipation
USA -
The first minute I heard your music, I knew that I had to rob a bank. I don't know what it was about it. Maybe it was the chords you used and the order in which you played them. Maybe it was the words that were repeated over and over again and the hypnotic horn section. Whatever it was, I couldn't resist the urge to commit this federal offense, for which I am now serving three consecutive life terms.... Three people died for your art. I thought you should know that.
Mike Mallory <mikeyboy@hotmail.com>
Carson City, NV USA -
Early in our history, education was almost exclusively a private, free-market activity. Rather than taxpayers providing education through a government school system, children's educational needs were met by the same people who provided their food, clothing, shelter, health care and all the other necessities of life; their parents. And because this was so, those parents were just as involved in their children's education as they were in every other aspect of their lives. That system produced the most literate, intelligent, independent -thinking, self-reliant people in history. Abandoning that tradition in favor of ever more centralized control has led us to where we are today.
Mike Tenckel <tenckelman@liberty.org>
Provo, UT USA -
I own Maternal Expressions, a small chain of stores that cater to the needs of breastfeeding women in Michigan. Come in and visit us sometime!
Dianne Bakker
Sagituck, MI USA -
Dear Coaster Cock. I read your story and was fascinated by it. I myself have a penis that looks like the utters on a Gersey cow. It's got four heads, no testes, and it shoots think, frothy streams of hot cum when you yank down on them. With an experienced "Milk Maid" I can cum a gallon in under 3 minutes! All this talk of unusual cocks is making me wonder if there might be some opportunity for us to cash in. If you and I, and the pencil cock guy, all got together, we could shoot a documentary or something. Wouldn't that be fantastic? Maybe even an after school special on how hard it is to grow up with misshapen penis. We could really help a lot of people.
annonomouse
USA -
MPT -- I read with great interest the remarks by one of your fans concerning his long, pencil-thin penis, because I happen to have the exact opposite situation on my hands. Back in high school they used to call me Ol' Coaster Cock. The thing has a huge circumference, but almost no length to speak of. I once got stopped by a security guard at Home Depot who was convinced I was shoplifting a roll of masking tape. It was terribly embarrassing, and I've had a hard time discussing it over the years. I've only been able to tell you, and the folks over at the Buffy the Vampire Slayer site. Thanks for providing this important public service!
Sam Gassaway
Boston , PA USA -
Rules to Date My Daughter, Stephanie... MPT, I am my kidís Dad and I enjoy your music. I believe strongly that a protective, loving, supportive, frighteningly affectionate, non-abusive Dad should be in every daughterís life. I have worked hard these last 16 years to be these things. However, in the last couple of years my life has become more difficult. Boys have entered my daughterís life and I have had to create rules for them to live by. (I actually have given these to 4 separate boys). I am a 6í-3î, 220lb, policeman and it is amusing to watch the boys read the rules. They try to figure out if I am kidding or not. I wish you the best in the future. COngratulations on the FOX Sports deal, Steve ...... Rules To Date My Daughter... RULE #1 - My daughterís name is Stephanie. Her name is not ìMamaî, ìHouchieî, ìBabeî, ìYo Bitchî, or any other name currently in the vocabulary of your age group identifying young women. With her permission, you may call her by her nickname, ìSam.î If I hear any of these other terms used to refer to my sweet girl you will get an immediate response from me, her father. RULE #2 - I am Stephanieís father. You can call me ìSirî. This is as in ìYes Sirî, ìNo Sirî, ìI wouldnít think of it, Sirî, and ìWhy are you staring at your daughter's ass, Sir.î RULE #3 - Do not touch my daughter in front of me as it may provoke an uncontrollable and probably overly aggressive response on my part. You may glance at her as long as your glances are from the neck up, and if you're gonna fuck her, for christ's sake, do it in private. RULE #4 - When a woman says ìNoî it means ìNo!î However, when Stephanie says ìNoî it means, ìIf you do not immediately stop what you are doing I will tell my Daddy and very soon, when you are alone and least expect it, he will be standing behind you in the dark with a grin on his face waiting for you to turn around so you and he can have a ìfriendlyî chat. RULE #5 - If you stop in front of my house and honk you had better be delivering a pizza. If I learn that you are honking for my daughter I will come outside and twist off your honker. Also, be aware that I will be observing to see if Stephanie opens her own car door. I open the door for my mother, my wife, my daughter, and any other woman who gets in my car. You should do the same. However, if I ever get into your car, please do not open my door. RULE #6 - I want desperately to make sweet love to my young, tight daughter. RULE #7 - Please bring my daughter back home in the same shape she left in. Drive carefully. Protect her from drunks and obnoxious people. Do not coax her to try drugs or alcohol. Always be ready to use your body to get between her and any objects flying in her direction. Also, I expect her clothing to come back in the same condition it left in. You should know that I would not react well if I saw even one grass stain on any portion of her clothing. And it goes without saying that I'd rather you not leave any DNA on her dress. Just because President Clinton did it with that chubby intern, doesn't make it right. RULE #8 - Do not go to school and tell stories to your pals about my daughter, whether true or untrue. If you do, be prepared to explain to those same pals how that mouse appeared under your right eye. RULE #9 - I am aware it is considered fashionable for boys your age to want to put ìhickeysî on the necks of their girlfriends. I can only guess it is done to show your friends how passionate you can get. If you ever get that passionate feeling with my daughter and have the desire to suck on her neck, please remember, a hickey on my daughterís neck only tells me that you have no concern for your well-being. RULE #10 - Stephanie will always have a specific time in the evening when I expect her home. Please take this curfew seriously because I will not be able to sleep until I know she has safely returned home. If you bring her home too late or, God forbid, the next morning, the camouflaged face looking in the window of your car will be mine. Rule #11 - I allow my daughter to go on dates because it gives me and excuse to examine her vagina.
Steve Johnstone <Bigsteve@aol.com>
Portland, OR USA -
MPT VOICE: You asked Brenda to talk about her vagina and then you tell her to be someone else's fan. Nice! Sometimes it is possible to be the "cave" and the "speluncker". That is the beauty of being a women. Unlike a MPT, we can not suck our own dicks, but we can "flip through the files" in our "office" whenever we want. I never heard your music, but sounds like this is a porn site anyway. I have friends that made SEXCALIBUR and Bilbo Bag-Cums. Ever see those? If you send me a jpress ki,I'll get it to the right people.
Christy
USA -
I just read through all the letters on your page and I have a comment.... What if Angstrom videos were to not only use MPT music for the upcoming Sinthia Bounce film, but also shoot the entire film INSIDE AN MPT FAN?!! Isn't that a terrific idea? You could shoot the entire thing inside Brenda's vagina! It would be historical. Think about it. Later, Ed
Ed Runby <runaway21@chapelhouse.org>
Raleigh, NC USA -
If you guys ever come to the Phoenix area, I'd like to have you sniff my fingers.
Robert Turner <RobbyT@hotmail.com>
Phoenix, AZ USA -
One more thing, Brenda... When talking about your admittedly cavernous vagina, you say, "Sometimes I rent a tour bus and head in there for (the) weekend with some close friends". This, Brenda, is not only illogical, but very stupid. Think about it... Even if someone could rent a tour bus and drive into your vagina for the weekend, which I don't doubt, how could YOU both be IN the bus & AROUND it at the same time? Do you see what I mean? You can't possibly be both the cave and the spelunker. It was for this reason that I called you mentally ill earlier... We have many fans with unusually large vaginas, but we draw the line at crazy. Please be someone else's fan for a while.
MPT Voice of Concern
USA -
Listen, Brenda, it's very clear to all of us that you not only have a huge 'vag', but a very serious mental illness. You should seek help imediately... Most of the letters on this page are written by fans. The only ones written by members of the band are clearly marked, "MPT Voice of ________." It's really very clear. As for why we made this site, we made it for our fans. It would completely undermine that goal if we were to, as you suggest, get on here and make things up. You may not agree with, or even like, our other fans, but you certainly don't have the right to question their first amendment rights.
MPT Voice of Therapy
USA -
MPT VOICE: I don't know that I would post information about my V. I don't have anything clever to say about it - like "it's 10 feet wide and you could park a Saturn in there. Sometimes I rent a tour bus and head in there for weekend with some close friends". It's just not like me to go on and on about my privates in a public way. I think it's interesting that other members of your "fan base" (really just the members of MP with diferent aliases) agree with me about all the penis references. If you 4 need info on how to start a private chat room on aol I could help with that. Each of you could log on and send messages to each other about your penis dreams there. You don't need to start a band, meet once a year, put out a recoding and build a website to talk about slurping your own snake-like dick at work. Not that I mind. And, I've enjoyed the "music" that was created to cover up what is really going on at the core of MPT. Still a fan - just on to you!!!!
brenda
USA -
Brenda, I agree with you. There are far too many references to the male penis. If you would be so kind, please take some time to tell us about your vagina; how it feels, what it looks like, etc. We want for this site to be welcoming to our female fans as well as those who are male.
MPT Voice of Reason
USA -
For what it's worth, I agree with Brenda. There are too many penis references for them all to be real. I'm guessing that maybe one in five are legit. The others, I think, are left by fans. I don't get the impression that they're left by band members though. As one of the band members once said in a radio interview on WFMU, "It's all about the honesty."
Klevin Klomus <UFOfreak@compuserve.com>
Hoboken, NJ USA -
The pop music band Duran Duran has a member that weighs six pounds and is only a foot high. It sleeps when told to and never gets into embarrassing situations with groupies... It's an Apple PowerBook, of course, and it's on tour with the group now, joining them on stage to belt out some tunes as they travel in support of their new album, Pop Trash. When the guys in Duran Duran hit the road, they're able to update their website with QuickTime videos and online journals.
Javid Jansen <JJansen@mac.com>
Portland, OR USA -
I'm on to you - I think these notices on the Talk Monkey Bullitin Board are all written by the actual members of MPT. You can tell because you all have "porn" and "big dick" fantasies. I think you (original members of MPT) and me are the only one's visiting your site. At first, I thought this would be a useful forum to talk about music and foot fungus...but, now I wonder just who is stroking who around here. TEA TREE OIL FOREVER!!!!!!
brenda <finger@hut.com>
USA -
Sinthia, It would be sooooooo cool if you made a movie with an all Monkey Power soundtrack. You've got the best body in the business these days. You are super-fine!!!! I just saw you in "Butt Magnet Beast" a few weeks ago. My uncle rented it for me to watch. You are so fucking HOT! and the monster was actually really scarey. It gave me nightmares. "Keep it real. Keep it shaved."
Dan Costello
Brooklyn, NY USA -
I'm a professional actress in the adult entertainment field, who has, on occasion, done work for Angstrom Films. Yesterday, I had a meeting with one of their producers, a woman by the name of Samantha McTavish. She played me your song, "One Day We'll Reach the Moon", and told me that she had written you a note expressing interest in using it in one of her pictures, to which you never responded. Well, I've just agreed to be in that picture, the one she wanted the song for, and I really, really want for us to be able to use the song. The song would be perfect for the film... It's set in the late 1950's and I play a young scientis at ASSA (like NASA). It's perfect! It captures all the joy and hope of the era, as well as the fear and trepedation... I just know you'll like the way Sammy uses it... She said she'd even let you guys come to the set. I'd offer to blow you myself, if I thought it would help (would it?). This is the first time a producer has ever invested this much time and attention in a movie that I've been in and it's my one shot to win an award. I just know this is my big chance to prove myself as an actress. Please let us use the song. Sammy says we can pay $5,000, and that's a lot more than most people get for stuff like this.
Sinthia Bounce
Los Angeles, CA USA -
I am a huge, huge fan of your music records!!! And I can't believe you guys actually have a site!!! This is so cool!!! I have a ton of questions for you.... but I have to think about them for a while... This is so fucking cool!!! I didn't think you guys would ever be on the web. This is like finding the booda under a rock!! I feel like Christopher Columbas!!!
MPT Fan #8 <mptfan8@provide.net>
USA -
I see from the comments in this forum that all of you can suck your own dicks. As far as I know, you are the only band in the world that can make such a claim. (Only half of MOtley Crue can do it.) I have a very, very long, thin penis. It's like a number two pencil, only twice as long. When it's soft, it's like a shoe lace. I can actually put it through a key hole and pee in people's locked room. Anyway, I was wondering if I could join your band. I can suck my dick without leaning over one inch. I can just run it up the inside of my shirt and suck on it while I'm at my desk, at work.
long dong sliver <sliver@hotmail.com>
New York, CT USA -
"I'm Eight Pound Cock Man, and I'm here to say, Havin' Eight Pounds of cock, sometimes gets in the way..." That's the beginning of my new rap. Do you guys like it? How can I get a record on Pochahontas Swamp Machine Recordings? You guys are the BOMB!
eight pound cock man
USA -
Hello, Monkey Power Trio. I've never heard your music before this evening. My son just played me two of your songs that he's downloaded off the internet. It's not bvery often that he and I agree on music, so I thought I'd send you a thank you letter. Thank you for bringing my son and I closer together, if only for about five minutes.
Clarence Lebough <DrCyclops@excite.net>
USA -
Feet stink, stubs don't.
Cut off your feet.
MPT Voice of Podiatry
USA -
I heard... actually I read... in a chat room, that you were going to add some hand-written materials to your individual 'finger' pages. Someone said that the only thing holding you back was that Dave needed to make two spelling corrections in red. Is that true? Is that the only thing holding you back from making your development site live? Well, it sounds truly wonderful... Please hurry... I want to masterbate tonight and nothing makes my vulva swell like retarded handwriting.
Melissa Pew <mmpew@aol.com>
Malcons, AL USA -
It was a long, long time ago now, but there was a time, in my early 30's, that I was a "crack whore" in San Francisco. Yes, I was a real, live crack whore. I prostituted myself out to all kinds of men, just to get the money I needed to buy crack. I lived that way for nearly three years, and I have only God to thank for the fact that I am still alive. I am now the mother of three beautiful childern and I live a somewhat story book life as the wife of a podiatrist (a one time client of mine who became my best friend). I was encouraged by the other stories on your site to tell you one of mine... My Last Day as a Whore... by Tristen Camison... My last day as a whore was a strange day. After waking up, doing some rock and some laundry, I made my way down to the docks. It was probably noon, and I always tried to get down there for the lunch rush - rich guys from the financial disctirct who needed to be blown before dashing off to their important meetings. Well, I was (I'm sorry, I have to cut this short, my baby is crying...) Long story short, I lost a rotten tooth in the shaft of a guy's penis. I had his cock down my throat, then, when I sent to move up, one of my teeth stayed at the base. I didn't want to tell the guy, so I just kept going, as blood trickled down my chin. That was my rock bottom. After that, I kind of took stock of myself and decided to straighten up. I hope that story helps some of you who are MPT fans and also happen to be crack whores. At the very least, remember to brush.
Tristen Camison <moongoddess@excite.com>
Clestine, OR USA -
If you have crusty foot fungus, you should ask your dr. about lamisil and experiment with tea tree oil. I know that it's fn to pick. That will be hard to give up. But, having sexy toes is one of life's little pleasures. I got rid of mine because my boyfriend said, 'Maybe if someone got rid of that foot fungus, then somone might get her toes sucked." It took months, but, it was worth it!!!! Having your toes sucked turned out to be more fun than my picking.
Brenda <finger@hut.com>
USA -
Someone told me that I could learn about foot fungus and its treatments here... Where should I go?
Mr. Ken Pavole <lilant@hotmail.com>
Kelvin, MN USA -
I was born with a rare genetic condition where my testicles and penis are internal. I have female genetalia on the outside, and everything looks normal, but, on the inside, I'm a man. They call it "23xy". I'm told that it's fairly common, that even a Ms. America has been one. That's what they say... Anyway, that's who, or what, I am. I lead my life as a woman, but I have this secret... I friend of mine, a pen pal from Maine, wrote to me the other day and told me about your song "I Run From Fights", specificly the line 'I have a penis but I don't deserve it.' She/he is a 23xy too, that's why we're pen pals. At any rate, we both find the song entertaining and we've kind of adopted it as a theme song of sorts. I'm sure it's not what you had in mind when you wrote it, but yet here it is. You have written the theme song for at least two 23xys. I don't imagine it's a huge market, but at least it's something. Keep it up.
clowny clown clown <eberhart@hotmail.com>
Park City, UT USA -
I blame you... or one of your fans.... I was eating Fritos earlier today at work, when I decided to check out your "Talk Monkey" forum. I really loved Fritos, right up until that moment... Mother Fuckers!
Jeston Kerfow <jkerfo@aol.com>
Kingston, MO USA -
They can, and will, undermine this revolution, if we give them an opportunity. They will try to turn you against the Monkey Power. They will tell you lies in order to see this accomplished. The same multi-national interests that pay Ralph Nader to strut around on stage in worn out suits, want us out of the picture. They destroy what they can not buy, market and re-sell at a handsome profit. The Monkey Power is beyond capitalism... far beyond it. And we scare the shit out of them... We will still take you $5 bill for one of our records, but we will use it to line our pants with in the winter, not to get rich from... In the future, we will trade energy points.
MPT Voice of Conspiracy
USA -
hello, my artistic friends. my name is tellic trounce and i live in omaha. i hate it. thanks to the internet though, i get to talk with people who aren't in omaha and i get to hear things that aren't from omaha. i am 82 years old and i just heard your song ILL WIN YOURE HEART. i saved it on my computer so i can listen to it some more. i live in a state phacility here in omaha. they take care of me. i send e-mails to people all over the world. i have never heard anythink like what you make with your music. ive been around for a long long time and i aint never heard nothing like this yet!
tellic trounce <tellic@hotmail.com>
omaha, nb USA -
I was just wondering if you guys ever responded to that person from Angstrom Videos who wanted to use one of your songs in a XXX movie.
Mark Fronsome <mf2100@umiss.edu>
USA -
After spending a few minutes looking over your site, I can say with some confidence that I was duped. I came here by clicking through a link someone posted to a fly fishing forum on Yahoo. They said that there were some incredibly tied cold-water, Blue Bottle-eyed Flies here. My guess, for the tone of your site, is that you think you're pretty funny. Not that it will matter to you, but I don't think you are. Abbott and Costello are funny. You're morons. Please leave the rest of us alone.
Pete Higgly <catskillpete@aol.com>
Sharney, NY USA -
Hello, fans. It's just come to my attention that some of you, particularly in the pacific northeast, have begun to harrass other large national music acts with the taunt of, "MPT, 'tis mucho better than thee." While we applaud the diversity implied in this statement, as well as the anachronistic use of olde English, we can not support the taunting of others, no matter how flattering. If you must show your disdain for others, like Jackson Browne and the Counting Crowes, for instance, we ask that you please do so passive-aggressively, and with a great deal of kindness. Try this one.... "Do you need any help?" Or even, "Wow, that's much different than you used to do it... very interesting interpretation."
MPT Voice of Reason
USA -
A few days ago, I picked up a girl in a local bar. I'm 27, and she looked to be about 19. There's no way she was 21, but she was drinking really heavily. OK, here's the cool part.... the line I used to pick her up - "Hello, I'm on a mission. I want to be the first man on earth to be blown while listening to the music of the Monkey Power Trio." I'm not saying that it was that line that got me blown, but an hour later, we were in my livingroom, listening to "Someday We'll Reach the Moon" and my mission was nearing completion. Being a gentleman, I won't say any more than that, except that I think I deserve some kind of award for breaking new groud for the MPT. You can now say that you "Blow Job Tested and Oraly Approved Of," at least in Dayton.
trout man <fishermanguy@hotmail.com>
Dayton, OH USA -
Hey, I heard one of your songs on CBC this afternoon and they mentioned your site. I thought I'd check it out. It's cool. You do good work.... for Americans.
Daniel J Warton <djw23@aol.com>
London, ONT Canada -
We know what you're up to.
mr smith <smith@nsa.gov>
Jepson, OH USA -
Hi Guys,
I really like your site, and the song samples and all that. But I have a small problem. I went out and bought one of your CDs the other day and when I got home I realized it was too big for my player. It's much larger than any other disc in my collection. Do I need an adaptor of some sort? Do you think Radio Shack might be able to help?
Jarid Neff
Atlanta, GA USA -
Does anyone know if Party City is carrying the Stephen Hawking mask this year? An extremely fine foxy lady hinted that she might invite me to a Halloween party, and my mother won't give me a moment of peace here. Can somebody check this out for me? Just a friggin' Stephen Hawking mask is all I'm asking. Jesus!
Warren Hudson
Scranton, PA USA -
I was sitting here at work checking out your killer site, when I accidentally knocked the picture of my retarded daughter Debbie off my desk. When I bent over to pick it up I had to spread my legs real wide and a big puff of air shot up from my crotch area that smelled exactly like Frito brand corn chips. I thought that was odd, so I did it again just to confirm. And it's true, my crotch smells like corn chips. How about that?
Sinda Higgins
Scabbington, KY USA -
Earlier today, my little son, Gus, came home from school with a black eye. I asked him what happened and he pointed to his eye. I said, "Yes, Gus, what happened to your eye." At that point he yanked a monsterous sausage from behind the fly of his pants and began chasing me, yelling, "Ogga Booga Yeah Yeah Yeah." I ran into my bedroom, where I'm now hiding. I can hear him through the door, eating cupcakes and watching Power Rangers.
salt pork misses <spm@hotmail.com>
Gravytrain, TX USA -
I rubbed a tee tree (a real alive one) all over my balls and all the hairs fell off of my balls. It wasn't so much that they got snagged in the bark, which some of them did do, as much as it was that there was some kind of ball hair reaction. Whatever it was, it made them all jump from my balls like people from the deck of the Titanic. It was frightening.
tee tree no good
USA -
For Halloween this year, I want to go as "a man in the process of getting his dick sucked by you (whoever is reading this)". Drop me a line so we can arrange transportation, logistics and such. As always, I will bathe both before, after and in between trips to your (you) mouth hole.
halloween man <hallowman@aol.com>
Kittens, AR USA -
If you put tea tree oil on your toes, the athletes foot and yellow fungus will be cured. There is also Lamasil which works great - but, you have to have your liver tested and do a lot of blood work. But, still it's good. Sometimes I have a pedicure and I watch the girl's face while she examines my big crusty toe. I always tip extra. One time, they painted my toe so perfectly you couldn't even tell there was flakey, yellow crust under there. I wore sandles for a week!!!!
brenda <finger@hut.com>
monroe, LA USA -
Jeff, I like your work at http://www.thewvsr.com. I was eating tacos this morning and reading the paper and I started reading the funnies and thought of your funnies treatment and started laughing so hard I squeezed out a loud fart in the middle of the restaurant. It was in English though and everyone in there is Spanish speaking only. Whew!! Anyway, keep up the good work! I will visit your site again and maybe even send you money.
Mr. Fister
USA -
I never actually put the Tea Tree oil on my toes. I just thought about doing it. Apparently that scared the fungus off!! I'm so happy now!!
Happy in Utah
UT USA -
http://www.thewvsr.com
Jeff Kay <jeff@thewvsr.com>
Olyphant, PA USA -
I recently purchased a genitically engineered dachshund off eBay. It was supposed to be 40% longer than normal, but when it arrived today I was disappointed to find that it's not any different than any other dachshund. Monkey Power fans, beware of this con!
Krista Johnson
San Diego, TN USA -
Announcement: my scrotum is currently encased in cool cotton.
Carry on.
Bo Bruce
Red House, WV USA -
If you were tryig to piss me off, it worked. Again... THIS IS NOT A FOOT FUNGUS SUPPORT GROU!!!! Either write about the Monkey Power or bugger off!!!
still unhappy in Liverpool
England -
hey - Utah - are you telling me that you put Tea tree oil on your crusty toe nails and they grew in fine? How long did it take? What do you do with all the free time you have now that you are not picking the fungus?
annonnnomus <nottelling@upyourbutt.com>
florida, USA -
Dear "Happy in Utah", if I were there with you, I'd be happy too. I'd be happy because I'd be cutting the diseased toes off your foot and shoving them up your fat bum. This is not an open forum on podiatry fungi and their treatments. This is the Monkey Power Trio fan page, mother fucker! Rock the foot! Kill the fungus!
un-happy in Liverpool
USA -
One day I was clipping my toenails and I noticed that my big toenail on my right foot was coming in a little strange. Instead of being nice and rounded over the top, it had this flat section sloping off to the side. I kept an eye on it and the flat section grew out and became yellow and then crusty and falling off. Another toe, "ring finger" toe on the same foot, started imitating the big toe and coming in crusty and flaking. Over the next three years they would grow out into these thick, hard, yellow, crusty toenails. Just on those two toes. I found out that it was a fungus and that there really wasn't any medication available that could stop it. There were these pills from Eli Lilly or something that came with 10 pages of warnings and side effects: May cause drowsiness, nausea, and swelling of the hands. Ten percent of people will experience severe migraine headaches, the rest of you may have hallucincations involving Sarah Purcell making love to a wine bottle on top of a wavering flag pole or a herd of Yaks performing "Salome" in a free concert in the park with just piano accompanyment, or both.
I decided having fungus toes was better than risking that stuff (plus I didn't have the $10 copay) so I resigned myself to having fungus toes. I welcomed them to the family, intoduced them to the other toes, and actually have had many memorable late night conversations with the "Fungy," "Crusty," their brothers and sisters, and the metatarsals and the bunions. Once you get to know the bunions they are really quite funny. Their dry wit makes them seem just grumpy at first.
So one day I was talking about my toes to someone and they said "Try tea tree oil." I had been styling my mustache with tea tree oil for years and I never dreamt that contained medicinal qualities. I announced to my girlfriend that I was going to try it. Strangely, before I actually got around to it, I noticed that my big toe, whose nail had gotten so crusty that I had picked the entire thing off, had a small section at the base that was coming in white, smooth, and strong. I monitored its growth and I'll be damned if that nail wasn't coming in completely normal and healthy just it was before this whole fungus thing started. Not to be left behind, the ring finger toenail followed suit and has now grown back completely normal. And the big toenail is just about completely healed. There is a small line of crustyness waiting to be pushed off the end of my toe into the jaws of my waiting clippers. Just a few more weeks and I'll have it!
Although it's nice to have 10 healthy toenails to look down at, I'll miss my little crusty friends and the invisible fungus that lived inside of them for a time. My girlfriend won't miss me sitting there for hours on the couch with clippers poking and prodding and snipping off any microscopic loose flakes that are sticking up. I'll bet she'll be glad when I get rid of this jock itch too!
I like your band by the way. Funny.
Happy in Utah <toenail15644@hotmail.com>
USA -
Will someone PLEASE help me to ejaculate? Please.
MR TORONTO
USA -
I have had a number of men make love to my vagina.
Karen Masters <sexface@ladies.net>
Akron, OH USA -
I would encourage each and every person who can now hear my voice to leave this ill-conceived music site and tune imediately to http://www.prolife.com/. The floors of hell will be littered with the bodies of those who do not heed this warning. Please go at once to http://www.prolife.com/ and save yourselves. Spread the word...
Tyrell Jenson <TJ@unai.net>
USA -
Last night, I awoke from a deep sleep with the revelation that I should ask each of our fans to support us financially. I guess you could call it a vision. I saw God there, standing in the clouds that surrounded my bed. He told me that you'd all burn in the eternal fires of hell if you didn't agree to send us $10,000 a year for the rest of your lives. I think he was serious too... When he talked about hell, he made this really awful face, like someone had just pulled out one of his nose hairs... Anyway, he told me to tell you all that, and then he went on to talk about this web site of ours. Simply put, he liked it. His exact words were, "I see that you've finally got www.MonkeyPowerTrio.com up on the web. It looks good." At that point, he bit my neck and drank my gin-filled blood. Then, in a puff of smoke, he turned into some kind of leathery black dove and flew off through a broken window, which I've been meaning to fix.
MPT Voice of Development
USA -
Carol, If you're still on-line, I have a recipe for bundt cake.
Edward Cheri <EdCheri@aol.com>
USA -
OK, so none of you are going to talk to me... I guess my life and my problems aren't exciting enough for you all... Well, to heck with you then. It's my life and my problems are real. I want you to know that.
Carol Brendec
USA -
Hello???? I'm wondering whether any of you have a good recipe for bundt cake.
Carol Brendec <carolbrendec@yahoo.com>
Portside, NJ USA -
Does anyone here have a good bundt cake recipe?
Carol Brendec <carolbrendec@yahoo.com>
Portside, NJ USA -
Can I hear it for the unsatisfied housewives in the audience? Oh, Hell Yes! Life here in Limboville isn't worth living. I married in high school without realizing, somehow, that there was anything afterward, to a man who now has nose hairs longer than his cock. To say that life isn't worth living is the understatement to tunnel below all understatements. The only thing that keeps me going is the red-hot hatred I have for my pencil-dicked husband of 14 long, long years. Yup, I'm as pissed off as a girl can get, and something's about to happen...
bored housewife <marvieone@aol.com>
Limboville, TX USA -
I can't decide. Would you say that your songs are more 'stupid' or 'moronic'?
Senator Death
Washington, DC USA -
"Retarded Boy Hears Music for First Time. Shits Self." That was the lead article in today's Cleveland Times Sentinel. I thought you should know... I love your site, by the way.
Terrance Furrow <tfur@ic.net>
Cleveland, OH USA -
My child's proctologist suggested that I consult a site called SeriousInnerAssPain.com. What I found there not only didn't help me to understand my son's bowel disorder, but it completely sickened me.
Casey Flotsuma <bigmama@aol.com>
Channel City, KS USA -
I've never written a personal ad before, so this is akward from me... Basicaly, I'm a moderately attractive, very lonely, straight female MPT fan who might be interested in finding a male who fits that same description (except for the "female" part). I'm 23 years old. I have a college education and my own car. I've got brown shoulder-length hair, that I usually wear in pigtails, and bright green eyes. I don't think I look like anyone famous.... but I'm skinny, like a famous person. I play guitar in a band called "Trans Am Girl". I live in Durham, NC. If you're interested send me a picture of yourself... I know that MPT listeners must be cool, but I'm afraid that they're also really ugly. (No offense.)
Karen Toetal <thetoe@hotmail.com>
Jackson City, KJ USA -
Attention: Big dick needs sucking.
mr x
USA -
A 45 year old factory worker choked to death last Saturday afernoon, near to where I live in Akron, OH. He apparently tried to stuff an entire "sausage wise man" into his mouth while shopping at a local Hickory Farms store. According to the his wife, he knew that it was wrong to steal the smoked sausage figure from the all-sausage nativity scene in the store's window, but he couldn't help himself. She is in the process of acquiring legal councel. All indications are that she will sue for millions...
Steve Rosen <roseysteve@aol.com>
Akron, OH USA -
I make the tasty biscuit.
I make the tasty gravy.
I make the cake of cornbread,
and cover it in butter.
Neil Cement
USA -
It was recently mentioned in a staff meeting here at "Inches" magazine that your site had some kind of Colorforms page with a copy of "Inches" on it. Well, I just saw it on your Monkey Center Funland page and I wanted to thank you guys for the plug. Are you subscribers, or is this a joke? It is funny, either way. Another thing: if you can, as an earlier reader suggests, all suck your own dicks, let me know. It sounds worthy of a pictorial! Do you guys ever play LA?
Derick Davidson <bgid@inches.com>
Los Angeles, CA USA -
"Moon Pies and Monster Dongs", the CD compilation of motivational speaches made by Monkey Power Trio road manager, Moe Gina, will be available soon from the Inspiration Tape Company of Las Vegas, Nevada. Thirty minute tapes will be available for $7 (plus shipping and handling), and can be purchased on the ITC.net web page.
Monkey Voice of Commerce
USA -
I've sent you boys a little gift. If I were you, I'd eat it imediately upon receipt... It's been my experience that neither cheese nor pork last too long when unrefrigerated.
Betsy Beston <littlebetsy@aol.com>
Cleveland, OK USA -
The other day, I was driving my car, a '73 Dodge Duster, down a dirt road here in central Texas, when I saw what I thought was an armadillo on the side of the road. That, in itself, wouldn't have been to weird, as I see armadillos all the time. This one was different though, in that it was standing up on its hind legs. Anyway, I thought I'd seen this armadillo standing there on the side of the road, kind of leaning back against a split rail fence. He looked like of cocky... reminding me of a 'Giant'-era James Dean. By the time I whipped the car around, he was gone. I went over the spot where I'd seen him, and scratched into the bottom of the fence post, I could read a little phrase. It said, "our savior is coming." I'm not sure what to make of any of this, but I thought you should know.
steve goldfarber <buttdoc@yahoo.com>
Estion, TX USA -
About a month ago, I had all four of my wisdom teeth extracted. I took them off the denist's little tray on my
way out of the office. Now they're calling my house and leaving messages for me, telling me that it's against
the law for me to have my own teeth, and that they have me stealing them on video. Is this bullshit, or should
I be worried? Is there really a law against, as they say, "owning human body parts"? If so, isn't it worth anything
that the teeth are mine, and were in my head until he ripped them out? It's fucking insane. I don't know if you're
interested or not, but I had to tell someone... By the way, your songs are pretty cool.
mark jeston <earieone@yahoo.com>
fresno, ca USA -
I believe in the old Bible. The one where people were run through with spears and had their eyes torm out by the roots. I believe in a god that gives back in multiples of what he gets. And yes, I said "he". God is a he. He's got testosterone. Gallons full of it. God could throw any man through the window of a Buick. Kick ass and take names later, that's what I say.
mr jefferson
USA -
I am a production manager at Angstrom Pictures, an LA-based direct-to-video production house. Most of our work in the last five years has been in the "adult entertainment industry". Among other things, we were the people behind the "massive urban fisting" series, which was distributed by VCA last year. Anyway, I'm looking for new concepts and I can't get the name, "Monkey Power Gang Bang" out of my head. I'm not sure how we'd work together (i.e. you wouldn't actually have to be in the film if you didn't want to be), but I'm sure we could work something out. If you guys are interested, let me know and we can discuss the details. If nothing else, I'd like to get the rights to "Someday We'll Reach The Moon" for a film. Thanks, Sammy
Samantha McTavish <Sammy@angstrom.com>
USA -
Gringos, you keep me rockin. I have no money but I have crazy powder. I like to listen while on the snuff. You made me puke once. I like it...keep it going amigos.
Cohl Han <Cohl@han.com>
Rocky Point, Mexico -
http://www.livejournal.com/users/terry
Terry <tgilmer@swbell.net>
Longview, TX USA -
The Monkey Power Trio are a cool band. I still remember their big show in Detroit when Mark bit the head off a kangaroo and drank its blood. I like the song "Desperate People Do Desperate Things." It's catchy. Take a look at my livejournal if you like Moon Pies and monster dongs.
Terry <tgilmer@swbell.net>
Longview, TX USA -
Pot!
Nikolai Putin
Zgdsk, Russia -
I've heard your songs over the years on WFMU, here in New Jersey. I've always liked it pretty good. Now that I see your web page though, I think I don't like it so much. Something about putting images to the words just doesn't seem right... It seems sackreligious or something. I still like your music, but I don't think I'll ever come this way again. Keep rocking.
edward sterrophonto <ededed23@yahoo.com>
Hoboken, NJ USA -
I take it from your WWW that you're all grown, college-taught adults. If that's the case, how come your songs are so damned infantile? You sound like a bunch of kids, just having fun, just "la la la boom boom" without a care in teh world. Music is my life, and guys like you shouldn't be in it. If you don't know the rules, you shouldn't play the damned game.
none of your business
USA -
Check out www.whiteknucklesandwich.com
WKS girl <latewing1@aol.com>
NYC, NY USA -
Hello, loyal Monkey Power fan base, I wanted to let you all know that we'll have two new products out by the end of the year... the first will be the official MPT-shirt and the second will be the vinyl evidence of our 2,000 session, which recently took place in Ypsilanit, Michigan. Both will be fantastic examples of what has been called, "mpt product." Add value to your life by entering into a stretegic partnership with the Great Monkey god of commerce. Fig Newton, Peace prize, Sex patrol.
MPT's Voice of Commerce
USA -
Remember what I taught you... the best way to predict the future is to create it.
Snappy Urethra
Comedy City, USA -
I don't know if I'm really your seventh fan, but I bet I'm at least in the top ten. There can't be more than ten people in the world who could understand and appreciate this stuff. Here's my question... Where can I find out more about your backgrounds? Have you ever done interviews? Do you ever apprear in public? Can you help me try to find a girlfriend?
mpt fan number seven
USA -
Could you possibly be more white or more self-indulgent? This isn't music. Music has rythem and meaning. This is the sound of four individual solo projects taking place in one room at one time... while a mental patient spouts jibberish.
Master E
USA -
I saw #4. He is very small. Does he have the flu?
Hugh Jass Stryper
USA -
I saw your commercial last night on Fox Sports about 5 times. Pretty cool. I hope you guys make money every time it comes on?
Stephen Dolk
USA -
I hate you and your fucking site.
annonomous
USA -
Can you please, please, please do a song called, "making love to a block of cheese"? I need it for a science fair project that I'm doing. Thanks
Amy Morag
Spoony City, UT USA -
I don't know what all the complainys are about. I really like your site; and the music. Thanks for letting me know about it. I'm just trying to make up my mind as to which record I want to order. I definately want to support you guys. Keep it up :)
Ted Donahue <tedd@laborboard.ca.usa.gov>
USA -
You are some strange little boys. Rock on.
Sue Wegmann <swegmann@nac.net>
Newton, nj USA -
i will listen to you as soon as you do macarthurs park and not a minute before
larry farber <larfa@algonet.se>
varberg, sweden -
Monkey Boys,
Who are you guys and how did I get on your mailing list?
Listened to "I run from fights" and "Susan Leibowitz". Are they the same song? Very Melodic. Hey, maybe you can open for me in Chicago.
Sal Fortunato <Sal@Salfortunato.com>
Chicago, IL USA -
can you add a friend for the monkey to play with?
Mavis <mavis@aol.com>
Akron, OH USA -
The lead singer....is he ill? I find myself repulsed yet turned on by his whimsical charm. The way he sung Someday we'll Reach the Moon made me want to fly through glass to make love to him. I would like to give him a t-dance.
Anita Morecock
ypsilanti, Mi USA -
I heard from a friend of mine that you were planning to release a double album called, "Blowjob and a Glass of Wine." Is there any truth to that? If so, when will it be out. I don't have a record player, so now I can only listen to your stuff on-line. Please do a CD. It would be really neat and I'm sure you'de get lots more fans. sally
sally worth
USA -
Can all of you really suck your own cocks, or is that just a rumor?
Dick Termain
USA -
You are bab, bad monkey boys!!! I heard the song you wrote about me and it's bad, bad, bad!!! You should be ashamed. Not onle of you has ever "made sweet, gentle love" to me!!! It's outrageous.... If one of you, especially Dan, would like to make sweet, gentle love to me, however, well....... xoxoxo..... your biggest fan, Sue
Susan Leibowitz <LeiboSue@hotmail.com>
London, Ont CAN -
My feet are swollen from sitting here too long.
Phoezey
USA -
Is it true that the person who goes by the name "number four" is really named Mike something? That's what I've heard... Just so you know, your secret won't stay hidden for long. I've dedicated my life to find out his identity. God has spoken to me and commanded that I do it.
Jerome Buttons <JButt@aol.com>
Albe, NM USA -
I like your songs. Artwork is kind of child like. Do your kids draw for the site. That's cute if they do. I am goin' on a cross country road trip for the next year. I have all of your songs. They will me and my dog Frito company throughout my adventure. I will write in occasionally to let you know how the 'American Adventures of Mogina Vegas and His Dog Named Frito' are going. Maybe I can contribute to your website somehow. Wish us luck and keep on rockin'
Mogina Vegas <Inmymogina@aol.com>
Cumming, Ga USA -
You guys sound cool. Who is the cutest guy in your band? Are there any athletic types? Any washed-up former professional ball players?
Candy <lovely@aol.com>
akron, OH USA -
I like your guys' web site. It's pretty neat. I especially like the drawlings. THe music is interestin but the art work is killer. Keep it up, and let me know if you ever get to Amarillo. Manzy
Manzy Aveo <puddinluvr@aol.com>
Amarillo, TX USA -
I rate you people. You think you can have your privacy and get away with it. I should burn you rhouses down. I have to go shave my armpits now.
Buck Dicus <woobie35@yahoo.com>
Reno, Janet USA -
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