Iran is cracking down on a real and existential threat to its very existence: organized water gun fights for youths.

That’s right, preventing what is obviously a sinister Western plot to train young people to overthrow the theocracy in charge in what used to be a modern, cultural country through the dastardly use of dihydrogen monoxide (and more frighteningly encouraging young people of both sexes to talk to each other like real people) the police are cracking down.

Conservatives say the water fights must be stamped out to prevent what they say is the corruption of Iranian youths, much of which is blamed on a deliberate “soft war” by the West conducted through TV, films and pop music.

Terrifying! Keep up the good work, Iranian ayatollahs, and keep ignoring the historical lessons that the Eastern European dictators got when they banned Velvet Underground, the Plastic People, and things like blue jeans. There’s no way that can go wrong for you.

Oh, and a hint for you neo-cons that love using Reaper drones to save the fuzzy-wuzzies from themselves…our pop culture works better. And fewer people die.