Did someone say Tea??? I like tea.  I think I’ll take a cup.

I know all about the roller-coaster that is the medical school admissions process.  Walking out of an exam thinking, “you know what? That wasn’t so bad, I think I may have just conquered this beast”.  The nervous, often anxious wait to have your thoughts confirmed, looking at schools to try and decide where to apply.  Then you finally get that email.  GAMSAT results are out.  Your heart races when you see that email.  Perhaps your palms get a little bit sweaty.  There may even be a tinge of excitement in there as well.  You click on the link, and open up your results.

Incomprehension, those can’t possibly be your results. You are sure you did better then that.  You put your whole heart and soul into getting ready for and sitting that exam and this is all you get? The disbelief and denial.  The shock. You feel numb.  Then reality sets in and you realise that these are in fact your results. You’re resigned to the fact that a mistake was not made, and are disappointed, and possibly angry.  You worked so hard after all, and feel this is a reflection of your skills (or lack of them).  You feel stupid, and incompetent, somehow less of a person.

Especially if you log onto PD to see how everyone else went and see some phenomenal scores posted.  Often by people you have never seen before on the forum.  Those you have met and shared this journey with so far want to know how you went.  You’re not sure if you can face them.  I mean, who wants to admit to being stupid? Especially when your online friends and acquaintances have done well.  In one part of your head you are happy for them, and their hard work.  While in another you are somewhat jealous and don’t understand this system, in which you can work so hard and not get the results you’re used to for the input.

It sucks.  It really really sucks.  I do know this. I have been there myself a time or two.  And you know what? It is not a reflection on you and your intelligence.  It is not a reflection on your work ethic or study skills.  It does not make you less of a person because you didn’t get the score you wanted or worked for.  Those numbers are simply that – numbers.  A somewhat arbitrary grading system designed to separate candidates who are smart and capable.  A selection method, that is challenging and incomprehensible, designed to narrow down the candidates to make the job a bit easier for the universities. I think a good dose of luck and mindset really can make a difference. It can be beaten, and there are numerous people around every year that are proof of that.  This knowledge might not make much of a difference right now, while it hurts, but I think it is important to realise this.

To even sit the GAMSAT is a massive feat in itself.  To then post a score you are not necessarily proud of on here, amongst the massive scores posted by other members takes courage.  A courage I’m not sure those members even realise.  It’ll help you apply against the odds, and maybe you’ll be lucky enough to get an interview and a place.  If not, that courage you’ve shown will help you overcome this set back and try again next year.  But this bravery won’t just impact you.  It will have a ripple effect.  Other candidates that are in the same situation you are in now, will see that people like you have walked the same path before.

Hopefully they too will realise that as hard as it is to accept, GAMSAT scores are simply numbers. They are not the be all and end all, that there is more to a person then how they performed on one test, one day of their life.  Feel what you need to feel now.  Take the time to reflect and analyse where you are and where you want to be.  If you need to vent, then do so.  Then come back next year and try again.  The courage you have shown, will be repaid in the amazing amount of support and understanding.  Who knows? This may just be what’s needed to get over the line.  Good luck in this grieving process and if there is anything I can do, even if only to listen, let me know.