Recently I was chatting with a colleague about strangers, acquaintances, and friends. For me, it’s incredibly easy to talk about pretty much anything with either a complete stranger or a really great friend. It’s talking with acquaintances where the conversation gets awkward or superficial. When two acquaintances meet, by chance, in the company breakroom, a typical conversation often goes something like this:

• “How about this rain we’re having?”

• “Yeah, how ‘bout that?”

• “I see you opted for the salted nuts. I much prefer the honey roasted.”

• “Yeah, I don’t like sweets so much.”

• “Ah, there’s the difference between you and I. Well, enjoy your nuts!”

Awkward, right? And you’re certainly not getting to know the person much better, other than he or she likes salty, rather than sweet, nuts. After discussing the difference between acquaintances and friends, my colleague and I both concurred that transitioning from acquaintances to friends was a difficult process. Now, in a work environment, I don’t necessarily mean that a work friend will be someone I invite to my barbecue on Saturday. A work friend, a colleague, is someone that you feel you can trust, one with whom you can share your ideas, and who values your opinions.

So what does all this friend/stranger/acquaintance nonsense have to do with leadership and managerial abilities? With all the talk today about whether you should “friend” your direct reports on Facebook, etc, it becomes a questionable matter. Ask yourself this: How often are managers just acquaintances with their direct reports, rather than taking a specific interest in them? And does it even matter? I submit to you that it does.

Leadership experts Jack Zenger, Joe Folkman, and Scott Edinger recently published research in The Inspiring Leader, proving that direct reports want, more than anything, to be inspired and motivated by their leaders. Inspiring leaders increase employee engagement, commitment, and productivity. Furthermore, their research proved that leaders are most inspiring when they “make an emotional connection” with direct reports. Joe Folkman said “ There are a number of behaviors that will increase your potential for being inspiring, but nothing will do more to guarantee that another person or group will actually feel inspired than making an emotional connection.” Leaders can do this in a variety of ways, but the point is that they connect with employees in a way that makes direct reports want to work harder and go the extra mile.

If managers aren’t making that emotional connection, they are simply maintaining the “acquaintance status” with their direct reports. They miss out on building rapport, collegiality, and a relationship that results in more engaged employees who are willing to do the impossible because they are inspired by their manager.

Now that you know the reasons why becoming a friend to your employees (making an emotional connection) is so essential to becoming an inspiring leader, here are five tips to help you make it happen.

1. Leave your door open

Show your employees that you are making an effort to be approachable by leaving the door to your office open. Employees will be more willing to pop in for a quick question if they don’t think they will be disturbing you.

2. Ask questions & be genuinely interested

Once you’ve got your door open and employees “popping in”, take time away from the task at hand to get to know more about what makes your employee, well, them! Ask them to share concerns and convictions to help you find interests and values you have in common. This will help you understand their passions so you can help them connect to the vision of the team and the organization.

3. Share an issue you are facing

Now you’ve got a little better grasp on who your employees are as people, what their concerns and goals are, don’t let the conversation be one sided. Direct reports will feel greater loyalty if they feel they are trusted with something important. Be willing to share something you are struggling with, or an issue that you could use some help with. You can empathize together and often they think of a solution you hadn’t considered.

4. Share your triumphs

On the flip side, it is also good for managers to let someone know when you or the team has accomplished something great. Camaraderie is built in sharing good times, as well as the bad. Send out an email or have a small lunch or treat to celebrate a success. As always, make sure to give credit where credit is due.

A friendship is based on trust, as is a well-functioning manager-direct report relationship. As you foster the trust and bond between you and your employees, you will find they will get on board with new initiatives faster, work longer and harder, and overall be glad to work for you and your company. And that attitude ultimately drives profits. And who wouldn’t want that?

Rachel Godfrey–Marketing and Communications Specialist

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