Being a technical professional and a woman “of a certain age,” I’ve had the opportunity of reporting to a number of managers significantly younger than myself over the last few years. Generally, we’ve gotten along very well, but more than one has expressed, at least initially, feeling a bit intimidated or uncomfortable with their role as my development coach.

Yes, Seasoned Employees Want Coaching Too

In consulting with colleagues, I’ve learned that this experience is not unique. Many younger managers feel uncomfortable coaching employees significantly older than themselves. Sometimes managers of high performing, mature, self-sufficient employees believe their employees don’t need or want coaching. And yet, it is often these employees who gain the most from coaching. Zenger Folkman research has shown that an enormously high percentage of employees desire to receive far more coaching than they get (The Extraordinary Coach, pg. 73).

View it as a Partnership, Not an Advice Session

Much of the discomfort with coaching, in general, stems from a serious misconception of what real development coaching is. Most people think of coaching as “advice giving”; this view would naturally result in more anxiety for a younger manager coaching a seasoned employee. However, coaching should be viewed as a partnership: the employee does most of the talking; the manager helps to evaluate options provided by the employee. Together they determine the best course of action for a given set of circumstances. When coaching is a partnership, it’s both more comfortable and more effective.

How to Coach Me: 5 Tips from a Seasoned Employee

In addition to approaching coaching as a partnership, which is a key to success for managers and employees of all ages, I have found the following 5 items particularly important in developing a positive coaching relationship between myself and a younger manager.

1. Give me some time to build trust – I need to believe that you honestly care about me and have a sincere interest in my professional development. I’ve seen managers come and go and I’m a bit wary of sharing information that may be ridiculed or used against me. I need to know you’re really on my side.
2. Acknowledge my experience and the value of my contributions, but don’t expect me to know everything. I want to learn from you too.
3. Keep it real and provide useful information – What is my realistic growth path in the organization (if any)? You need to do your homework here and have a clear picture of the unique opportunities available to me and the limitations. Don’t patronize me. I need your objectivity and ability to gather and provide meaningful information and feedback I may not otherwise have access to.
4. Don’t assume I can’t change or wouldn’t be willing to change. This robs me of opportunities to grow.
5. Help me keep my development goals aligned with organizational goals and strategies that build my value to the organization.

Yeah, It’s That Important

Research shows that when managers invest time and energy in coaching, their employees are more satisfied, engaged, and committed. Employees are also more effective and retention goes up. Managers who coach and develop employees are also perceived as better leaders. Effective coaching provides significant benefits to all parties involved (The Extraordinary Coach, pg 67). So, don’t let an age difference deter you from building a great coaching relationship with experienced employees.

What do you think?

Did I miss some tips you feel are essential for coaching employees? Have you had an experience coaching or managing an employee older than you? Feel free to comment.

Camille Price – Director of Product Development

Ready to learn more about becoming an Extraordinary Coach? Download our featured article, Coaching as a Management Style, by Jack Zenger and Kathleen Stinnett.