Why babies cry, and how to soothe them

 

Why do babies cry?

Your baby is fully dependent on you. You provide them with the food, warmth and comfort that they need. When they cry, it's their way of communicating those needs and asking you for attention and care (NHS 2022a).

It's sometimes hard to work out which need your baby wants you to take care of. But as your baby grows, they'll learn other ways of communicating with you. For example, they'll get better at eye contact, making noises and smiling.

In the meantime, here are some reasons why your baby may cry, and what you can try to soothe them.

 

I'm crying because I'm hungry

Hunger is one of the most common reasons why your baby will cry, especially if they're a newborn and it’s early evening (NHS 2022a). The younger your baby is, the more likely it is that they're hungry.

Your baby's stomach is small and can't hold very much. So it won't take long before they need another feed. Your baby may need to calm down with a snuggle and a suckle before they can feed properly.

If you're breastfeeding, offer them your breast, even if their last feed doesn't seem that long ago. This is called responsive feeding (NHS 2023). Your baby will let you know when they’ve had enough, by coming off your breast in their own time, and seeming content and settled.

If you're formula-feeding, your baby may not need another feed for at least two hours. Every baby is different, though. If your baby regularly drinks less formula than you're offering, they may prefer to feed little and often. Try offering them a smaller bottle a little earlier for their next feed and see how they respond. Always be led by your baby (NHS 2024).

I'm crying because I have colic

If your baby cries a lot, but is otherwise healthy, they may have colic (NHS 2022b). Your baby may become flushed and frustrated, and refuse your efforts to soothe them. They may clench their fists, draw up their knees, or arch their back (NHS 2022b).

The exact cause of inconsolable crying isn’t clear. It’s so common in babies, many experts think it may simply be a normal developmental stage (Hazell 2023).

Other experts think it may be associated with tummy issues. For example, your baby getting used to their digestion working or changes to the balance of bacteria in their bowels (gut microbiome) (Hazell 2023). Or it may be linked to an allergy or intolerance to something in your breastmilk, or a type of formula milk (NHS 2022b).

If you think your baby is crying excessively, take them to your GP to rule out any other causes such as wind, constipation or reflux, when your baby brings up feeds (Hazell 2023). Your doctor will check that nothing more serious is causing your baby’s distress.

Whatever the cause, living with a baby who cries inconsolably can be very stressful (Hazell 2023, NHS 2022b). It’s important to look after yourself too, so that you have the patience and energy to soothe your little one. These tactics may help you cope with colic.

Remember this phase will pass: your baby is likely to grow out of it by around three to four months (Hazell 2023, NHS 2022b).

I'm crying because I need to be held

Your baby needs lots of cuddling, physical contact and reassurance to comfort them (NCT 2018). So their crying may mean that they just want to be held (NHS 2022a).

Swaying and singing to them while you hold them close, will help to distract and comfort them (NHS 2022a).

You could try babywearing with a sling or carrier to keep your baby close to you for longer periods (NCT 2018, NHS 2022a). They love the sound of your heartbeat, the warmth of your body and your smell so you could also try cuddling your baby skin-to-skin (NCT 2018) or taking a bath with your baby

I'm crying because I'm tired and I need a rest

Your baby may find it hard to get to sleep, particularly if they're over-tired. The younger your baby is, the more subtle their sleep cues are, so it may take a few weeks for you to recognise the signs. Fussing and crying at the slightest thing, staring blankly into space, and being quiet and still are just some of the ways your baby tells you they may need a change of pace or some shut eye (NHS nd).

Lots of attention from doting visitors may overstimulate your baby and make it hard for them to sleep, as can too much rocking and singing. Try taking them to a quiet room after a feed and before bed to help them calm down and switch off (NHS 2022a).

I'm crying because I'm too cold or too hot

You can check whether your baby is too hot or too cold by feeling their tummy or the back of their neck. Don't be guided by the temperature of your baby's hands or feet. It's normal for them to feel colder than the rest of their body (NHS 2022a).

Keep the temperature of your baby's room between 16 degrees C and 20 degrees C. Use a room thermometer to keep track of the temperature. Place them down to sleep on their back with their feet at the foot of their cot. That way they can't wriggle down under the blankets and become too hot (NHS 2021).

Take care not to overdress your baby, or they may become overheated. As a general rule, they need to wear one more layer of clothing than you to be comfortable (NCT 2018).

Use cotton sheets and cellular blankets as bedding in your baby's cot or Moses basket. If their tummy feels too hot, remove a blanket or layer, and if it feels cold, simply add one (NHS 2021). If you’re using a sleeping bag, make sure it’s the right tog for the season and the right size for your baby.

I'm crying because I need my nappy changing

Your baby may protest if they have a wet or soiled nappy (NHS 2022a). Some babies don't seem to mind unless their skin feels irritated.

If your baby doesn't like having their nappy changed, it may be because of the strange feeling of cold air on their skin. After a week or so, you'll probably be a pro at quick nappy changes. Otherwise, distracting your baby with a song or a toy they can look at during changes may work well.

I'm crying because I don't feel well

If your baby's unwell, they'll probably cry in a different tone from the one you're used to. It may be weaker, or more high-pitched (NHS 2022b). If they usually cry a lot but have become unusually quiet, this may also be a sign that they're not well. Here’s how to spot the signs that your baby may be poorly.

Teething may also cause your baby to be more upset than usual. Babies are often irritable and restless in the week before a new tooth comes through. Learn the other signs of teething to look out for.

Nobody knows your baby as well as you do. If you feel that something's not right, trust your instincts and call your GP, midwife or health visitor (NHS 2022b). Health professionals will always take your concerns seriously.

Call your doctor straight away if your baby is persistently crying and has other symptoms, such as a fever of 38C or above (if they’re less than three months old) or 39C or above (if they’re three months to six months), or is vomiting (NHS 2022a).

If your baby has difficulty breathing through their crying or their skin looks blue, mottled grey or much paler than normal, call 999 for an ambulance or take them to your nearest accident and emergency (A&E) (NHS 2022a). Check for other signs that your baby needs urgent medical help.

I’m crying because I want more stimulation

A "demanding" baby may be outgoing and eager to see the world. And often the only way to stop the crying and fussing is to stay active. This can be exhausting for you!

Try wearing your baby facing out in a front carrier so they can see all the activity around them. Plan plenty of activities. Hang out with other parents with babies. Go on regular outings to kid-friendly places, such as your local playground, a children's museum, or the zoo.

My baby's still crying. How can I soothe them?

As you gradually get to know your baby's personality, you'll learn which techniques work best for them. If a cuddle or a feed doesn't do the trick, these suggestions may help:

Play a constant sound

In your womb, your baby could hear the beat of your heart. They probably enjoy being held close to you now because your heartbeat is so familiar.

Other noises mimic the sounds they'll have heard in your womb. The repetitive noise of a vacuum cleaner, washing machine or the TV in the background may help to lull your baby to sleep (NHS 2022b).

White noise, such as this, can help to soothe your baby. Or you could download an app to your phone or buy a toy that plays a range of sounds, from ocean waves to raindrops.

Rock and sway your baby

Most babies love to be gently rocked. You could rock them:

• in your arms while you walk around
• in a rocking chair
• in a baby swing

You could also try taking them for a ride in your car or for a walk in their pushchair (NCT 2018, NHS 2022b).

Try a massage or a tummy rub

Using a suitable massage oil or cream, gently rub your baby’s back or tummy in a clockwise direction (NCT 2017).

Massaging your baby’s tummy can help with their digestion, and your touch will help to soothe and comfort them. Regular massage may help your baby to feel better and to cry and fuss less (Mrljak et al 2022). The best time for massage is when your baby is settled and alert. If they cry during the massage, they're telling you they've had enough, so stop and give them a cuddle (NCT 2017).

Watch our calming massage video for babies.

Try a different feeding position

Some babies cry during or after feeds (NHS 2022a). If you're breastfeeding, you may find that changing the way your baby latches on helps them to feed calmly, without crying or fussing. Ask your health visitor or breastfeeding counsellor to check your positioning and check out our tips for sleep and breastfeeding.

If your breastfed or bottle-fed baby seems to have painful wind during feeds, they may prefer to feed in a more upright position (NHS 2022b).

Burp your baby after a feed by holding them against your shoulder and gently patting or rubbing their back (NHS 2022a). If your baby cries straight after a feed though, they may still be hungry, so offer them your other breast or more formula milk.

Let them suck on something

For some babies, the need to suck is very strong. If you're breastfeeding, you could let your baby suckle your breast for comfort (NHS 2022a). Alternatively, let them suck on your clean finger or knuckle. Or you could offer them a dummy, if you think it may help (NHS nd).

Give them a warm bath

A soothing bath may help your baby to calm down (Hazell 2023, NHS 2022a). Check the water temperature before placing them in the bath. It should be about 37 degrees C to 38 degrees C. If you don't have a thermometer, dip your elbow into the water. It should feel neither hot nor cold.

Bear in mind that a bath may also make some babies cry more, if they don’t enjoy the sensation of being in water. In time, you'll get to know your baby's likes and dislikes.

What should I do if nothing seems to help?

It’s normal for babies to cry, so try not to blame yourself if your baby simply won't be soothed.

Your baby may just naturally cry a lot in the early weeks. Babies normally cry most in the first six to eight weeks, easing off after that (Wolke et al 2017). In the meantime, it's likely to make you and your partner feel stressed and unhappy at times (Hazell 2023, NHS 2022b). If they're resisting every effort to calm them down, you may feel rejected, depressed and anxious (Bamber et al 2019).

Try to remember that you are not the cause of their crying. Sometimes, simply accepting that you have a baby who cries a lot can help (Powell et al 2018). If you've met your baby's immediate needs and tried everything you can to calm them, it's time to take care of yourself:

• Put your baby in their cot and let them cry for a few minutes out of your range of hearing. Take deep breaths and let yourself relax for a moment or two.
• If you and your baby are both upset and you've tried everything, call a friend or relative for support. Give yourself a break and let someone else take over for a while.
• Find a local support group or parent and baby group. That way you can meet other new parents in the same situation and offer each other moral support.
• Talk to your health visitor or GP about coping strategies before everything gets too much. Don't let things build up, as it could make things harder for you and your baby.
• Call a helpline. Cry-sisOpens a new window offers support seven days a week for parents of babies who have sleep problems or who cry excessively. Contact Cry-sis on 0800 448 0737 (Hazell 2023).

This crying is probably just a phase. It is very common and it will pass (Hazell 2023, NHS 2022b). As your baby grows, they'll learn new ways of communicating their needs to you. And when this happens, the excessive crying will soon stop.

You may also like:

 

• The truth about colic
• Coping with clinginess
• How parents stay sane
• 10 ways to get more sleep