livingfortheword

The Word

This morning I read from the Book of James.  A life with Christ comes with a guidebook: the Bible.  How funny that sometimes we choose to do things our own way, to make our own way when God created a way for us: Jesus Christ.

God gives us the direction, He gave us the manual, literally in a step-by-step guide.  He provided us with the way to live right, whats more really did lay it down straight, the path to salvation: I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me (John 14:6).

Back to James, James is a book of five chapters which in essence is his letter and guide to Christian living.  James was writing to the Jews in (according to my NKJV) probably AD 49.  In 2012, these teachings are more than relevant, they form the basis of my life – a life in Christ I am learning step-by-step and process by process, even in the things we say:

My brethren, let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgement.  For we all stumble in many things.  If anyone does not stumble in word, he is perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body (James 3:1-2).

Reading just these two verses in James speaks of the power of God and of the grace of God.  Beautiful.  The answers to our questions about life, about living, the choices we make and the way to live – about being – are found in the Bible.  They are already there and were there a very long time ago.  The Bible has all the answers to the questions that we may face and these were there before you and I were born:

Is anyone amoung you suffering? Let him pray.  Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing psalms.  Is anyone amoung you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord (James 5: 13-14).

The Bible is the place we can grow from because it is the Word of God and ‘So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God’ (Rom 10:17).  It is the place we need to root ourselves in:

above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one.  And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; praying always with prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perserverance and supplication for all the saints (Eph 6:14).

It has the answers to prayer – the effective fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much James5:16 – answers to the Holy Spirit – He will guide you in all truth John16:13 – and answers in all other things? God provided:

put on the whole armour of God , that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil (Eph 6:14).

Part of that armour is the Word.  From it flows life and light…

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.  The earth was without form, and void; and darkness was on the face of the deep.  And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.  Then God said, “Let there be light”; and there was light. (Gen 1:1-3).

Beautiful.  God is the Word. Lets arm ourselves.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God (John 1:1).

!

I cannot stop thinking about this today and yesterday too: God brings the increase.  He brings the increase and NOT me.  I have always been the type of person that goes hard at things, someone that commits and runs…but with God things are different.  God brings the increase.  He does and not me. Frightening. Does anyone else catch this?  This is also not the point where I throw in the towel and let God do all the work because He wont.  Not because He is not powerful, He just needs us because He made it so.

I am getting plenty from this:

He knows our hearts

He knows our desires…

But, He also knows our thoughts, and every action and intention.  And He brings the increase.

I highlighted the bits that struck me in the face.  This is quite frightening.  Are you getting this?

There are a variety of ways to look at this but the bottom line: fear and Godly reverance.  I am in the processes of catching this massive one…daily.

The Lord is to be feared.  Feared.  I have a lot less-of-me to be busy with and a-lot-more of Him to be into.  Frightening.  Whats more, the increase is according to His will and not our own.

What is stable in your life?

I am going to ask you a question that you need to think about truthfully: what is stable in your life?  I just sat down to lunch after spending the morning writing on my thesis, I have recently moved into a new place with ‘new’ friends.  I have known this couple for 7 months but it feels like years.  The reason we are friends is Christ, I know them because the Lord called me to His purpose, just like He calls every single one us! We are all the same, the difference – I followed Him.  I chose to.  Don’t try kid yourself that you haven’t heard His call, if you are reading this blog and you are not saved, not born again, then God is calling you in a variety of ways.  Why are you running from Him?   The second commandment demands that we do not to make a graven image of God.  This means that we are not meant to create our own image of who God is.  It is unlawful to create our own God.  It is unlawful to decide the will of God.  God’s will is His will.  God’s will is not ours.  Imagine for a moment the amount of people who claim to be Christian in the world – millions, right?  This may cause you to do two or more things: first you may have come to the conclusion that not everyone can be right about Christianity or about the will of God, and secondly (or in response to this), you will create your own idea/notion/image of who you think God is.  He will fit in with your reality, your life, your will and your ways. Reality check: we cannot understand God or His will.  However, we do know that God’s will is His very own.  His will is eternal: the fulfilment of His purposes on earth as it is in Heaven.

My question to you: what are you waiting for?  Sometimes, I have to stop myself if I get carried away emotionally or I worry about silly things in the day-to-day.  I have to stop and slow down sometimes to remember that this earth is not all that there is.  This is not a tool to make myself feel better or to cope with the current moment, no.  No, I think about eternal life because God promised it to us.  The peace He instilled in me when I was saved was the ‘knowing’ that I am going to be a part of the Kingdom of Heaven (John 14:27).  That peace – of the Father – is what you encounter when you come face to face with a born-again, spirit-filled obeying Christian.

The idea of stopping and thinking about death and life shouldn’t come as a surprise to you because more than likely, I would bet, you have thought about your own life: the purpose of life, at least once.  If you haven’t, then I am certain that you have thought about death: what happens after.  My next comments shouldn’t come as a surprise to you either: what on earth, are we are all doing here?  We go about our day running around, working, fetching kids, carrying, submitting to bosses, perhaps you party on weekends, or maybe you visit family; however, when you take the time to stop, slow down, breathe out and look around you, you will see everyone else.  And they are doing the same thing too: working, eating, playing, moaning etc.  If this is all there is, well isn’t it all pretty pointless as it is.  You can live a wonderful life filled with all of your hearts desires, but what happens when your time is up?  Or you can live a miserable long or short life, but the question remains: what happens after death?

When you look around, on a London tube or in Starbucks like my close friend, you will realise not only are you not the only person in the universe but that people are doing just as you do: working, shopping, carrying and fetching kids, falling in and out of love, losing money, making money etc.  This ‘existence’ is what they and maybe you call ‘life’.  What happens to all of them?  If you die tomorrow, what happens to you?  Do you think that God will turn to you at the ‘gates’ and say that it is ok that you wanted to wait until you were ready to fully commit to Him?  I think you already know the answer to that one.  Back to my original question: what is stable in your life?  Besides the frailty of love (including family), of money and of possessions, not even life is stable, not the years you have already accumulated or the ones still to come.  Hello.  Are you catching this?  There is an ‘end’ to all of this.  I caught this and continue to learn from those around me who have decided to follow Christ.  Get on it, get amoungst it – give all of yourself to Christ!  What are you waiting for?  Seriously.

Let go

I started this blog post a little all over the place, I wasnt sure what to write about which has really made me think about how much I rely on myself and my own understanding.  It is quite scary actually.  I rely on my own understanding a lot of the time.  But this is just such a waste of time.  My mother gracefully showed me today that we all need each other.  Revelation time.  I am not going to conquer the world alone.  Not only did I feel tired when I got home but spiritually I am desperate for some time with God, desperate for some hardcore time with God.

As I got home this evening, I loaded my stuff out of the car and into the house, I turned on the lights and fell on my knees and prayed.  What for?  I have no idea what for but I know that I needed to pray and still do.  The scariest thing is that I had no idea what to pray for, I had no idea what I was feeling or why.

You see on the drive home I thought about a lot of things, and so this is probably how the prayer-on-my-knees went:

Dear Lord,

Where are you?  Where are you when I am scared of the decisions I am making and have made.  Lord, where were you?  Where are you when I get nervous of the future and whether the desires of my heart will come true.  Father, I am super afraid of making a mistake.  I get super super scared that I wont finish the things that I start, that I wont be enough, that I wont fall in love or have a family.  Father, I get so scared of hurting people, of pushing people away and of taking bold steps.  I am scared of starting new things without safety nets.  Father, I get scared of this world.  I get afraid of being alone, of things in dark places, and of other things that I cannot put into words.  Father, I get scared of things.  I get scared of a lot of things.  I get afraid, very afraid sometimes, and at times I want to curl up into a ball because I wonder how I am going to do it all.  How am I going to finish things and start new things, be hurt again, take risks, get out of the boat, put my heart in the light, speak out, speak into the darkness and whisper into high places?  Father, I wonder if I am enough and I get afraid sometimes.  I get unsure, insecure and fearful.

Love Amy.

And you know what I imagine Him saying back to me…’Amy, are you done now?’  ‘Yes, I think so Father, pretty much’ – I would say.  And then I imagine it going something like this: ‘Well Amy, I know those things.  Keep on’.  That is it.  That is all I imagine Him saying: keep on.

So amidst ALL of my inward and outward-looking thoughts, and all of the times I wrote and re-wrote this post… I realised that a life with Jesus is pretty simple actually: ‘the just shall live by his faith’ (Habakkuk 2: 2-4).  The beauty of walking a spiritual life with Christ is He has all of the answers and we have none: let go, let God.  Shew.  God makes things pretty simple really and we complicate things.  We complicate things when all we need to actually do is to keep on, God will deal with the rest.  Pretty simple really.  Keep on.

little bird and the Lion

This is the first Christmas that I haven’t worried about my body or my weight. In my last post, I touched on the following: ‘how do you take stock’, I want to continue this theme but in a way that looks forward – a looking-forward with a nod to the past – because God never ever wants us to look back. Yesterday, I was having a few problems with my body – some of the old feelings about my body and my weight started to creep into my day. Consequently, I spent a lot of the day working to keep these thoughts in check. I spent a lot of the day fighting a battle in my mind and ironically Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer is a book I bought a few years back. I still have that book. I had bought it because I had an eating disorder and I was trying to gain control of my life in a variety of ways. I remember my mother telling me that when I stepped off the bus from University at the end of 2003, I looked like a little bird. I was so thin and so stressed out with anxiety and depression that I resembled a small tiny bird. I never fully ‘got’ Battlefield of the Mind. I just couldn’t understand the power that Joyce Meyer was talking about. In fact, it wasn’t that I couldn’t understand her – I couldn’t see it, I was blind to it, completely blind (John 3:3). And Joyce and the book failed to change my life. It wasn’t the book that was the problem. Back to yesterday, these thoughts about my body they crept in and out and in and out: you haven’t exercised in a few weeks, should you have that biscuit, do you need that second chocolate, do you need that second helping, your jeans feel a little tighter, your hair looks limp. Blah, blah, blah…that’s all it was really, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that I was at war with myself and the devil yesterday. The result: I won. I won because I have Christ. It was a fight though.
Today, when I woke up – I didn’t realise it at first – but something changed. I looked in the mirror at work and I saw myself. Have you ever really looked at yourself and seen yourself? I know we all look in the mirror and we see ourselves – but have you ever looked and not thought that something needed to change? I saw my body, I saw my ‘faults’ and I liked it, I liked them. I loved it really, not in a vain way but I was grateful. I was grateful. Perhaps, it is also a combination of the season, it is Christmas and the New Year is going to bring a lot of changes. But, today I took stock by looking forward: the power of Christ in my life. The Lord saved me. He really saved me. I was so lost. I was reminded that He saved me from myself, my wicked ways. I was reminded that I use to feel a lot of anxiety, a lot of fear and a lot of guilt. I use to feel guilty and anxious about my life: the future, the present, the past – people I had hurt and those who had hurt me. I use to wonder about the future – would I have kids, my husband, would I be happy, career, finances, holidays, houses…the works. And I know that these are similar questions that you may also ask yourself, maybe more often than you would like to admit. Today I am deeply grateful to the Lord because I can look at myself and I like me. Yes, I always need to change but I like me. I like my life, it’s really very lovely.
I also took stock of doubt. Sometimes, if I am truly honest, I doubt – again another battlefield of the mind and me learning to walk in the spirit. I wonder about things, I wonder if the husband God promises me will actually appear one day, I wonder if my hearts desires will be answered, I wonder what He thinks when He looks upon me – when He takes stock of my life. Yet, before I had a chance to even begin to let the devil creep into my thoughts, I looked around me and took stock. In the space of months, I was miraculously healed from an eating disorder that I hadn’t been able to shake for over ten years: the Lord is my ever faithful and loving provider. I am never ever without anything, never ever. I was healed a very long time ago, I just had to come to Christ (Eph 1:3).
Today, I lack nothing. This last 7 months has been a rollercoaster ride of changes but at EVERY turn the Lord has caught me. With every decision and every move, He has caught me. Yet, He hasn’t just caught me – He caught me and wrapped me up in His arms (Matt 6: 30 -32). He really does know what we need before we do, He really is our provider. If you do not know the Lord Jesus Christ, He is life (John 14:6). His is a simple way, a simple path – to walk in Christ – but it requires our unrelenting and committed obedience to His will (Matt 7: 13-14).
As this blog goes into the New Year, I have no doubt that 2012 is going to be a massive one for the Lord and I am very grateful that I can be a part of it. To conclude this post at Christmas time, my point is the following: what are you grateful for – why do you celebrate Christmas? When you sit around the table or unwrap presents do you think of Him? The Lord saved me. He sent His Son to die for my sins and I am living proof of His resurrection power. When I look forward towards 2012, I no longer feel like that little bird. I am a lion. I am a lion because Christ died for my sins. I am a lion because I choose to be one. He gave His life for mine and the least I can do is give mine to Him. My life is like no other because of Him. So, bring on 2012 I say! Bring those battles which I know will come, I will be that lion for Christ. It is the least that I can do.

Are you catching this?

It feels like it has been a long time since I last blogged, its been two weeks.  I didnt think about blogging last week but I did think about it this past week yet somehow something held me back: I didnt feel good enough to blog.  I didnt feel that I knew enough to blog and that my walk with Christ wasnt good enough to blog about.  Some of my first thoughts this week: blogging is self-indulgent.  I thought that I could only talk about my walk with God when I knew more about God’s ways.  But catch this, ALL LIES.  You see the devil I was looking for around me, was actually playing games inside of me.  Scary.  I want to talk about a few important things, as the year winds down I seem to be getting the feeling that a lot of people will be taking stock of their lives this time of year.  So catch this…the devil is real and he does operate.  He isnt a folktale or a figure of your imagination or a haunting or rumour.  He is real and he does operate.  Catch it. It has taken me a while to grasp this and I still find myself reminding myself that he is real.  He operates everywhere, but most significantly, for this post, the devil is most happy when you make the decision to stay put.  But God wants you to abandon fear and step out in faith.

So what of the past?  How do you take stock?  Yesterday, I was thinking about my heart and mending broken things.  This post is not going to be about my past life because I have blogged on that before and it is done now.  We are onto new things.  My heart is mended.  My heart is whole.  My heart is made new.  Can you say the same for yourself?  Perhaps, you say yes ‘your heart is whole’ – of course it is whole, what am I on about? Whole hearts?  Hearts are whole and Amy has gone mad.  Nope, I havent gone mad because before I got right with God, my heart was broken.  But catch this, my heart wasnt broken because of past hurts, or broken relationships or family drama and trauma.  No, my heart was broken because I wasnt right with God and the reason why: me.  I was living a life that the devil wanted me to live: a life about me.  I was the author, I was the beginning, I was the end.  God, well, He was somewhere up there.  And when I needed Him, he was somewhere down here.  But you know who was keeping me from a  life with God – me – I had made that decision and not Him.  He was not responsible for my heartaches and pain.

I belong to this church in London that is more than on fire for God.  This morning I realised that God – all of Him – has very little to do with me AND yet He has EVERYTHING to do with me.  Let me explain, after prayer this morning I realised a lot of things.  Firstly, I realised that I need someone to speak into my life.  Secondly, I re-realised that I needed to make the decision to move, to change, to grow.  No one, not even God was going to do it for me.  It was never up to God in the first place.  Never.  This isnt even about drawing near to God and He will draw near to you.  It isnt.  It is about the decisions WE make.  The decisions we make to live a life sold out for God, or the decision we make to keep God in a box, or as a hush word or as some background music to be brought out only at Christmas time or at births and deaths.  Whats worse, God is often tossed over our dinner tables and plates of food, His name defiled as we draw on Him ONLY when we feel like it, when we are lonely or lost, or ONLY when we feel like there is somehow someway something more to all this Christmas festivity, or even something more to life.  We draw on Him when we are unsatisfied believing that He will come through for us.  Catch this, you need to make a decision before God can come through for you.  Perhaps, you have thought of God as you marvel at the falling snow outside – and yes, God does reveal Himself to you – you get a goosebump, a shiver or maybe even that feeling that the world is alright, that life is good, and that God exists.  WAKE UP! God is more than real!

CATCH THIS: God is Lord.  The Lord is Holy.  Let me tell you, I understand these things because I have been there, I have prayed over the dinner table at Christmas believing that there is a God and I have also hypocritically commented on the true meaning of Christmas while I prepared for a massive drunken new year ahead. WHAT?!   The things I am learning and keep on learning….dont tell me that you can be too on-fire for God, is there is even a space or a place to be too on-fire for God?  More things I am learning…dont tell me that you can grow if you do not go to church and are not planted in a church, dont tell me that you are growing in your relationship with God if you do not read the Word of God, dont tell me that you are growing in God but you are not serving in church and you are not tithing .  If you are not growing, you are stale.  Dont tell me you are growing in God if you are not stretched by church leadership, if you are not hungry for more – more and more – then you have gone stale.  Dont tell me that you know God but you always and only ever do things your own way never willing to learn, to change or to listen – even when it hurts and you dont want to hear it.  God chastens, he teaches, he rebukes, he reveals, he wrenches things from us but blesses abundantly.  Dont tell me that you love the Father if you do not follow His commandments.  God consumes, He burns.  He is also graceful and offers us space to change and grace to make mistakes, to get up and to get back on it and amoungst it.  He shakes us from our own selfish ways, even when we turn and turn back to them.  But do not tell me that you are not ready for God, for Jesus, for the Holy Spirit – do you know the God you serve?  There is never a perfect time, it is always been ‘time’.

Listen, I do NOT know it all nor am I saying that I know God.  I have been TAUGHT all of the above because I am planted in a Word-based church sold out for God, I do tithe, I have repented, I am baptised and filled with the Holy Spirit, I do read the Word of God, I am part of a homegroup, I do pray in the spirit.  These are the things I have been taught and continue to learn because I make the decision to follow God.  No one does it for me.  Is there room for change and growth in my life? YES, there is WAY MORE!  But that doesnt mean that I will let the the devil tell me that I cannot blog because – revelation time – I will never know it all!  All of our walks with Christ are very different but I think that perhaps walking in Christ is less about knowledge and more a case of just getting on with it: of seeking Him, learning His ways and building His Kingdom.  I dont understand God.  But what I do know is that I am in right standing with Him.  I have been made righteous in His eyes.  This I DO know.  There is no small doubt inside of me whether God exists, or whether there is a heaven or hell.  God exists.  The devil exists.  Catch it, before it is too late.  Decisions are always our own, no one is going to make them for you.  Whether that decision is to change, to be more on-fire for God or to give your life to God.  Make that decision because He isnt going to take you by the hand and do it for you.  And you know what, that is actually really the beauty of it all.

I cant think of a title for this one…but…

Last night I went to our church meeting in central London.  I was a little late but as I walked in I got that I-need-to-pinch-myself feeling but didnt think about it again until just-now.  This morning I got that same feeling again.  I received an email from a very old and dear friend from back home.  I have been blessed enough to catch up on some of her news and her feelings, and what a blessing it is! She made me stop and re-think more about that moment I felt last night: there I was, amidst about a hundred of us, in London, in a conference room on a Monday night praying.  How life has changed.  I came in late, smiled and nodded towards a few of my friends who were praying fervently in the Spirit, I popped by bag down on the floor, closed my eyes and started praying.  My mind was still on the day that had gone before me, so, in a way, that pinch-myself-feeling was sort of a result of a mind that was still lost in the happenings of my day – work, relationships, time, busy-ness, traffic etc – against a heart that wanted to let go and breathe in my God.  I seldom do this, but as I tried to focus and to get my mind in line with my heart I took a sneaky peek at those around me: serious faces, tightly closed eyes, pacing around the room or standing with their hands towards the heavens – praying. Wow.  Pinch-myself.  These were all ordinary people, doing normal (but different) jobs in London but here they were on a Monday praying, putting God first.  For those who were there last night and read this post, I am just reiterating things that Pastor Ray Bevan said last night but these really hit home in so many ways.  How my life has changed.  And this morning, after I received that email from my special friend, I was reminded again that I am a small puzzle piece in a much much larger purpose which is the feeling I got last night as I peaked my eyes open just a little.  There we were, all of us, praying and praying.  But there we were – each of us – so different, so very very different.

I have come to love a lot of these people and some I do not even know but I realised in that moment (and this is going to sound funny), that the world is a very very big place and how I can be very inward looking at times.  Whats more, I have far to go:) It didnt take me a trip around the world to see this, but it took my God.  It took my God to show me this.  Perhaps, you might like to argue that one could get to this conclusion by simple rational causation or that you already know this; however, it was something more.  It was that awkward realisation that happens when you get embarrassed: more than ‘me’ was praying’.  This may sound even more bizarre and obvious, but truly I re-realised that there was more than just me in that room.  I was surrounded by people – each just like me: thoughts, desires, dreams, hearts and plans for a future – just like mine – who speak to God daily, who cry out to Him daily – just like me.   And even in saying so, I am sure I will need to be reminded of this again or many more times for the rest of my life.  However, I realise daily that I am a part of something that is much bigger than me, something much bigger than this moment, much bigger than my own life and far greater than this world. Everyone has a story, like Pastor Ray Bevan said last night.

The catch is that however much I sometimes want things to be about me, and we all do if we answer this question really truthfully, knowing that things are not about me is a much lighter load to bear.  Things are about God – all things.  The kicker for me: I dont have to strive.  Pastor Ray Bevan showed me this last night too, we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who have been called according to His purpose (Rom 8:28-30).  I am not alone, this is not the only blog or blog post, nor am I here on this earth to live for myself, or others, my job, my family, relationships, pets, to travel, or do anything else.  We are here for Him, we were created for Him.  Shew.  I dont have to strive.  I do not have to strive.  I do not have to be perfect, I will not be loved more when I am perfect. I can never be perfect.  I dont have to be scared of making mistakes, getting things wrong, being alone, being hurt; yet – most significantly for me – I do not have to strive.  This moment, this one right here, it is perfect. Perfect not because it is faultless, I have a lot to learn and far to go (Praise God!), but perfect because God has this.  He has it.  He has me.  What a God!  Shew.

I love the Lord!!!!!!!:) SO MUCH it makes me dizzied:)

I JUST LOVE MY GOD. I cannot get over it and I will never get away from Him.  I dont remember the exact verse but the Lord IS a consuming fire! I just love my God so much.  I just love Him and love Him and love Him, and I know so many people that just love Him too.  How great is our God!  How very great!! There is really no clever way to say that other than that, seriously. I just love You Father, I just love You.  And You loved me first.  I just love you so so much.  There really is just absolutely no one else that makes me feel the same way that you do.  I cannot see you, Father but my goodness you are just so so beautiful Father.  You are just so so beautiful and You know me so so well.  You know me so so well and You know others too! My God is just so GREAT!  You are grace when I need it and when I know I dont deserve it.  You prepare little unwrappable presents for me when I need You the most.  Gosh, HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD!  You never leave us, Father, even when we are not faithful!  Even when we think we know best, You are there! I love you Father. You are so incredibly faithful and so incredibly true. There is never a moment that You leave me, never a single, splitting second of a passing moment – HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD!  How BIG You are Father, how very BIG! How you are working in all of our lives, all of them and You know all of our hearts and all of our minds, How GREAT you are Father.  You make me lost for words, Father.  I am speechless in YOUR presence, it is all YOU Father, ALL YOU!! All YOU! How you put me at a loss for words.  How words cannot do You justice Father.  This world needs You Father, we need You more than we even know.  You know us best Lord.  You are faithful, faithful to even the smallest things – the smallest requests.  You prepare ways for us, prepare paths that we turn from, turn towards and learn from.  You are graceful to prepare friends and family along the way, you prepare our partners, our lives all in You blessed time.  You make all things straight Father.  You make all things beautiful in Your holy and blessed time.  Father, you pour out ALL of your heart in EACH of us!! My goodness LORDm You are just so so beautiful.  I love You Lord.  YOU ARE ARE LORD, you are KING OF KINGS and LORD of my heart – take my heart Father, take it, take it – it is Yours.  Your ways are better than mine.  Your thoughts and your dreams for me are FAR better than my own.  Father, how exciting and amazing it is to walk in Your way.  What a blessing, what a privilege, what an honour – we are SO blessed, so BLESSED to worship you, SO blessed to SPEAK your Holy name.  Your name, your name, there is no other, Father.  There is none, none like You! My heart is Yours Father, all Yours.  I cant even begin to imagine how BIG You are Father, how very BIG.  How is it that you know us all? How is it that you know ALL of us and each and every one and moment of our hearts desires – the ebbs and flows of our innermost feelings and thoughts, our inner desires and dreams – Father, You are just the Father – the Alpha, Omega, the first, the last, the end, the beginning and all of the in-between!!

And then – beyond imagination, beyond reason – YOU HAVE AN EVEN BIGGER AND BETTER PLAN!! I raise my hands for You Father, I walk these streets and my hands are raised inside of my head, speaking of Your love, Your ways and Your grace.  Father, You had Your eye on us from the first moment we opened ours – ALL of ours, each and everyone one of us!! HOW is that even possible! Lord, how very great and awesome You are! I praise You Father, I worship You my Lord, my King, my Father, my best friend, my comforter, my healer – You share my jokes, You share my life, You walk with me through the dark and darkest places – You tell me that I am never alone, that there is nothing to fear, that  You are faithful, that there is no reason to doubt, no reason to fear because You are God.  Why do we wonder, why do we worry when our God HAS GOT THIS! He has had this thing called Life since the moment we were born, calling us, calling us to His purpose and the when we step into it…I lose words.  When we step into it, He is there.  He is the great I am.  He is the great I am.  He is the great I AM.  There is no other, none like Him.  None like Him. None like Him.  Father, I love You, I love You more than I have loved anything, more than I will ever love anything.  There is nothing without You.  You are my everything, my everything.  You know better, You just know so much better than we can even imagine.  You fit our lives together like little intricate puzzle pieces.  Yes, sometimes these hurt, yes sometimes these are hard and yes sometimes we dont understand why or what or how, but YOU HAVE GOT US! How very GREAT is our God, how very very very AWESOME is our God!! Lord, You are teacher, You are patient, kind, loving, You chasten us and discipline us, You stretch us, and You mould us into Your greater purpose.  This post may be messy but Lord – YOU TOLD US TO GET MESSY – to get stuck in, to get emotional, to DO Your WILL, Your Way!!  There IS a God! I could shout this from the top of the roof on my house – THERE IS A GOD! Seriously, THERE IS A GOD and HE IS AMAZING: the great I AM.  Yes, there are times when we cannot see the wood for the trees, but You are patient with us Lord, You are patient in our ways, in our minds, patient with the things we do not understand, patient with the things we think, the things we worry about, the way we are are.  You are patient, Father! GOSH HOW GREAT IS OUR LORD!! You ALWAYS deliver us, always! What a GREAT and MIGHTY Father we serve – what a beautiful privilege it is to serve You Father.  How beautiful and special that You call us to Your purpose! And we WILL rise up, Father! We rise and rise and rise ALWAYS and ONLY to You.  Thank you Lord, this morning I thank you for You.  You are the great I am.  It is just incredible.  Shout it from the rooftops: Our God is ALIVE and He loves us, how blessed we are, what a GREAT God we serve!

Matters of the heart

I want to talk a little bit about ‘reason’.  ‘Reason’ is that thing that tells you that it might be hard to believe in God, or you may feel that ‘reason’ makes it perfectly impossible to believe in God.  ‘Reason’ is linked to ‘rational’ thinking which is rooted in philosophies of Enlightenment and the Renaissance, which advocate that man is reasonable, rational and thinking subject complicating the belief in a transcendent, omnipresent and omnipotent God.  Following the traditions of Western European philosophical thinking (which I certainly am not professing to know in entirety), the tradition began to challenge itself as time went on…and goes on.  God has been proved, disproved, argued and in some cases perceived as neither true nor false.  The idea of the ‘centre’ has been challenged in postmodernism, and particularly, post-structuralism has deconstructed structuralism; thereby, putting into question the notion of an ‘origin’ point or ‘end’ point, the centred structure; which complicates the notion of God as unchanging, and everpresent: I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End, the First and the Last (Rev22:13).   God has similarly been compared to a mask – Marx refers to religion ‘is the opium of the people’, embraced in order to disguise reality.  You may find that these sorts of conversations have come up before, with friends, at work, at the pub or in your own inner monologue.  The general idea behind a lot of this is that man created God; man created Christianity; God has therefore been compared to man’s self-consciousness.

The next step is to assume that the Bible – the Word of God – is not the Word of God.  If you follow this, you may find that you believe that the Bible was manipulated by man for man’s own end: to accomodate his own desires/needs/demands.  Common pub-conversations after a few pints often lead to self-righteous statements like these ones which more often than not are used to support strands of feminism, or attack Euro-centrism or to support another sort of -ism.  I know this because I use to do it.  Within these sorts of conversations, people make a few stabs at intellectual debates about God, and fault is often arguably found in Christianity.  This argument then takes on themes such as: the Crusades, sex before marriage, drunkeness, heaven and hell, cults, prophets…and so on.  I know this because I have been there.  So, continuing with our hypothesis: the belief (of non-believers, ha!) that God is not real and/or Christianity is man-made.  Generally, the Word of God is seen to be sexist, patriarchal, back-ward and Westernised,  and Christians, in short, have it all wrong.

Interestingly enough, this argument is also used on the flipside: the Word of God is just not relevant in the contemporary modern world.  Thinking along these lines means that our subject might believe in God but that the Word of God is outdated and is therefore open to general amendment.  There is therefore no need to follow the Word as it is; rather, I could just pick out bits and bobs that suit me, particularly the nice friendly ones about love, grace, being kind to your neighbour, feeling lonely or sad, unhappy, and, of course, Heaven.  There is little sense of fear, despite that we should: …fear the Lord your God… (Deut 6:2).  Yet,the arguments persist: Christianity is irrelevant, outdated, written by ancient men, manipulated during early Christianity, changed in Medieval times, twisted in the Reformation and who knows what else…the point is that in 2011, the Bible just isnt relevant, right?  But there is a God, and He loves me, right?  I just dont have to do exactly what He wants, right?  I have also partaken in discussions pertaining to the notion that we are are spiritual beings – energies – that live on…where, exactly?  Perhaps, the postmodern argument would be that the need for an End, is a human construct, a desire for structurality, for order and for meaning.  This would assume that God is man’s desire to have meaning, to find meaning in our own existence.  Human desire for a Beginning, an End, the First, the Last, our Omega, our Alpha is therefore understood to be packaged in a nice neat box called Christianity.

So what do Christians make of all of this ‘reason’?  A difficult conversation to get into?  Avoidable, tricky…Christians dont have the answer?  Perhaps, you believe that nothing is certain – postmodernism – that there is no guarantee, no ‘end’ or ‘beginning’…putting into question everything – our very existence even.  Or perhaps, you havent given any of this any thought.  I have been there.  I have been there and I have been there.  But that just isnt it.  It isnt it at all.  I know this because I have used all of the above arguments before, and yet… and …yet: that yet.  I have sat in those pubs, had those conversations, and discussed the complexity of thinking Christianity in the modern world.  I still dont have all the answers and I cant put together a reasonable argument about God. I cant explain these things, but the ‘yet’ is gone.  Words, reasons, arguments?  These fail my God.  There is simply – most excruciatingly beautiful – no possible way to explain my God in a manner that will do Him any true justice.  It is the easiest thing in the world to form an argument against God, against Christianity and to use these tools to forsake Him, but  having come to Christ – truly having been born again (2 Cor 7:10) –  I know that this really isnt the point at all: reason, rational thinking, philosophy, science – it isnt the point.  It doesnt catch that elusive ‘yet’, and it never will.

God is a matter of the heart.  He is a matter of the heart!

He is that knowing, He is that moment when you meet a born-again Christian and you get that sense, that feeling that there is something different about them, something you cant quite put your finger on but you know that there is something that is quite uncomfortably different about them.  I know this because I have seen it before – not knowing what it was – but wanting it.  When you are not in right standing with God, you will look into the eyes of a born-again believer and feel that sense of uncertainty over your own life.  I have been there.  It is that feeling of fear…you may pretend that you cannot hear your heart beating in fear, and more than likely you will do your best to soften that beating heart of yours; whats worse, is it that you may succeed and spend the rest of your life silencing your heart.  Silencing that fear speaking out deep within you, that you are not good enough as you are, that you are not good enough just as you are.  You may feel that you need more, that you need to do more, achieve more, have more and be more, in order to be enough.  You see that thing about righteousness, about being truly right with God – born-again by blood, water and spirit – is knowing that I am enough just as I am.

For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart (Heb 4:12).  God is the same through the ages (Matt 28 and John 16: 7).  When you come to Him, nothing else matters; so when you look into the eye of a truly born-again believer, you will see a son or daughter of God in right standing with the Father – it is more than enough.

The Lord is a burning fire!

Let me tell you about my God.  He is the light in the dark places, my high when I feel low, the red of the autumn leaves in the morning sunshine and also the yellow and brown of those caught up in the cool afternoon breeze.  He is my breaking morning dawn and my late dark night.  He is with me when I climb into bed in the evenings and pull the cover over my face at the end of the day, my comforter.  He is the smile on my face and the fire that is burning inside of me.  Let me tell you about my Jesus – He is my healer, my redeemer and my best friend.  He told me that I was enough, HE TOLD ME I WAS ENOUGH!! Praise God!!  He loves me as I am! Praise God!! He told me that I am loved as I am, He told me that I am perfect in Him, He told me that I am a conqueror, a warrior; I have purpose, I have life and I am His, ALL HIS! How blessed I am! I am on fire with the Lord! How blessed in abundance we are to have Him who loves us so much!

He is the burning light that pushes into my deepest dark places, telling me that there is more…more to come and more of me.  What are you waiting for, He says!!  And He is also the voice that says I am MORE THAN enough.  He is the Spirit that stirs me, that pushes me and says that He expects more.  Praise GOD!!  My strength when I feel tired is the Lord.  When I think I have had enough, when I think that things cant get busier or I begin to question my future, to wonder about the path laid down at my feet, He is that small beating voice, the whisper that shouts, the Spirit that never leaves me: I AM A CHILD OF GOD, a DAUGHTER of the HOLY FATHER! Lord, HOW BLESSED, BLESSED WE ARE TO BE IN YOUR KINGDOM!! You are the smile inside of me that reminds me that I am loved, loved in abundance and blessed, blessed in abundance.  You tell me YES – there is more to come, MUCH more to come for those who seek You.  I will never turn away from my God.

I am bursting with the Lord! How much He loves us, how much He cares, how much He seeks us, and yet we turn, turn and turn away from Him! He seeks us still! How great is our God, HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD!! THERE IS NO GOD GREATER THAN MY GOD! Why do we feel shy or scared of speaking openly about our Father when HE IS OUR FATHER , OUR HOLY GOD, the KING of KINGS! He is our Creator, the end and the beginning and ALWAYS the same, never changing, always faithful. He never falters. He never leaves us.  He constantly seeks us, forgiving us, redeeming us and giving us chance after chance – calling us, calling us, calling us to His purpose!  Get ready get ready get ready – there is only one Kingdom and that is our Lord’s – the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.