Want to woo a dishy man? Let me make a crumble suggestion: New book reveals how to cook your way into a man's heart

By Anne Shooter for the Daily Mail
Updated: 09:10 EDT, 14 May 2009

When I was little, in the Seventies, my mother had a cookery book that was very popular, called The Way To A Man’s Heart.

It was a domestic guide, full of advice for the woman of the house on how to keep her husband happy with an endless succession of nourishing stews and roasts.

But with the advent of feminism, cooking to please your man  -  rather than yourself  -  came to seem like an outdated concept from the age of the dinosaurs.

The way to a man's heart... it's as if the feminism never happened

So what was I to think when The Dish: A 21st Century Guide To Captivating A Dish, His Friends And Virtually Everyone Else You Know fell into my hands? Was it going to be some Fifties-style rant, aimed at forcing women out of the workplace and back into the kitchen?

Quite the opposite, claim the book's authors Penny Isaacs and Sarah Lockett.

Far from being anti-feminist and outdated, they insist that making meals for your man is, in fact, empowering.

They say theirs is not actually a cookery book  -  indeed, there are not many recipes in it  -  but a self-help book, aimed at showing single women how to capture the heart of a man with food.

Certainly Penny and Sarah are not feeble, simpering housewives, desperate to drag us back into a time warp. They are working mothers with children. Penny is a solicitor, Sarah a television news reporter.

Penny says: 'Nobody would think it was anti-feminist to dress up and put on some make-up for a date  -  it's just trying to look your best for a man you like.

‘It's the same with food. It may sound old-fashioned, but being able to nurture and entertain your man and all his associates is very attractive.

'Which man wouldn't want to be with a woman who is a great cook, charming, glamorous, a fabulous hostess and can add value to every area of his life?

'We're in the middle of a credit crunch  -  people can't just eat out every night, or even every weekend. Being able to prepare the right food at the right time will convey a powerful subliminal message about you  -  that you are marriage material.'

But don't overdo it. 'You must not be dull, mumsy or a food-obsessed doormat,' warns Sarah. 'At all stages, it is imperative to present a youthful, attractive image.

'Warning signs are making marmalade, bottling fruit and even baking cakes. Doing anything like that will have the man of your dreams imagining you in surgical shoes and a pinny. And you'll be toast.'

Steak and chips: That should work up his appetite

There are instructions on alcohol, too. Wine is allowed (there are matches provided for each meal in the book) but drinking champagne is a no-no, at first.

'It looks desperate or like you are already celebrating your engagement,' says Penny. 'It will also make him think you are like a heavy-drinking party girl.'

Penny and Sarah have devised meal plans for every stage of a courtship  -  from the moment you lay eyes on your beloved right up to your engagement party.

Always remember, they say, that men like highly-flavoured, gutsy, unfussy food, full of garlic, chilli and fresh herbs. Never, ever serve anything twee and girly  -  like salads, steamed fish, souffles or greens  -  or ‘traditionally romantic food like oysters, at first.'

Penny recalls the time she made a heart-shaped pizza for a boyfriend. He ran a mile.

So the first time your dishy man comes to your house for dinner, the menu should be as follows: Chateaubriand, served rare (yes, there is a credit crunch but fillet steak will still be cheaper than going out for dinner), served with jacket potato, sour cream, fresh chives and roasted vine-ripened tomato, with freshly prepared English mustard in a proper mustard pot.

Dessert should be peach melba, made with fresh peaches.

Says Sarah: 'What could appeal more to the masculine palate and be more mouth-watering than perfect beef fillet accompanied by vegetables that a man actually wants to eat?

'The first meal is pivotal to success. It needs to establish that you can provide a man with what he likes. No more, no less. The extra level of detail you go to is vital and will not go unnoticed.'

Afterwards you can serve coffee, 'But please do not have some,' says the book. 'It would look more ladylike, more Bacallesque, if you drank a cup of herbal tea or hot water with lemon.'

Wine should be Volnay or another good red Burgundy, and for music, La Traviata (the full opera, not a High Street compilation).

'Operatic music projects a classical image of a woman who understands and appreciates elegance,' says Penny.

What about clothes? No jeans unless you are over 5ft 11in, and don't overdo the make-up. Wear Chanel No 5 perfume. Don't talk about anything romantic.

It may seem drastic, but they insist this is the foolproof way to win over your man. But you've also got to work on the people around him, whose opinions he trusts.

The book goes on to suggest meals for his parents, best friend, his ex-girlfriend and his work clients.

When his parents come round for dinner, serve a whole poached salmon  -  'with loads of vegetables to reassure Mother that her darling boy is getting his greens'  -  with supermarket Chablis.

For dessert, serve plum crumble. You can tell them it was a recipe you learned from your own mother, which creates a wonderful impression of closeness and respect.

A bottle of supermarket Chablis should impress the prospective mother-in-law

'You must sprinkle the topping with cinnamon because when you cook it the smell will fill the kitchen,' says Penny. 'Mummy will like this homely detail.'

Next, you need to become best friends with the wives and girlfriends of his attached friends. When the men are playing football or golf, ask them round for lunch.

For them it is vital that: 'All ingredients are organic, Fair Trade, low fat and low calorie. Saying "It's low-fat!" brightly, as you bring a dish to the table, will gladden these girls' hearts.

‘Cook grilled cod with spinach and Puy lentils, or salad nicoise with fresh tuna, or an avocado, beef tomato and mozzarella stack with a pesto sauce.

'Display ostentatiously any invitations to events which the girls might want to go to themselves  -  Henley, royal garden parties, restaurant openings. They will think you mix in the right circles and want a piece of the action.'

Then there is the former sweetheart he's still friendly with. Says Penny: 'They all have one. You have to be super-nice to her. Show you're secure enough in yourself to be magnanimous.'

Serve her home-made canapes with cocktails  -  by producing professional- standard canapes, you will be demonstrating to both of them just how much you are in a different league to her.

Next, give them a volcanically hot Thai chicken curry with rice (he will love it, but it will make her flush unattractively) and your man's favourite beer.

When his couple-friends come over for dinner, the idea is to convey that you have gone to some trouble without over-egging the pudding. This says you are confident of your position, but are not trying to isolate him from his past. Make honey lemon roast chicken, dress in something casual yet chic and let him choose the wine.

At some stage, you will hopefully be asked to co-host a 'power dinner'  -  a big dinner party for important people in his life that may include work colleagues, bosses and their partners. Dress to thrill  -  but don't outshine your guests  -  in a little black dress; serve champagne as an aperitif and cook something everyone will love.

The perfect, classic menu is aubergine topped with garlicky tomato sauce and grated parmesan, coq au vin with mange tout, green beans and rice and sherry trifle.

You will look classy, it's all delicious and it can be made in advance so you can remain calm, competent and delightful. He will love it. The book says you should never buy pesto (home-made is the only option), you should make scrambled eggs in a bain-marie (a heatproof bowl over a pan of simmering water) and you must, must, must make your own blinis for canapes.

This is, they assure, failsafe and while a little over the top, Penny and Sarah do have plenty of brilliant ideas. When the boys come round to watch football, make burgers then dress up and go out with your girlfriends, for instance.

And, most importantly for career-minded women, they insist it is possible to retain a working life  -  but stress the importance of still being able to provide a home.

Because the likelihood is that women will always end up being the homemakers, even if we still have careers. And showing that we are good at that maternal, nurturing stuff, rather than being defensive about it, is appealing to men.

Making an effort for someone, showing you care through serving them food, is the most basic way of showing hospitality, good manners and warmth. It hints at a generosity of spirit, creativity, a loving heart  -  all such great qualities that anyone should appreciate, particularly a potential husband.

So hats off to Penny and Sarah. Their book might be a bit, well, posh and old-fashioned, but, frankly, maybe we all need a bit of that.

Perhaps this is what post-feminism is all about? Plus, it's ever such great fun and, you know what? I think it might actually work.

• The Dish, by Penny Isaacs and Sarah Lockett, is published by Troubador, priced at £9.95.