There's a Christmas song that goes, "We need a little laughter ... "
Do we ever.
That's why I'm proposing you plan an over-the-top silly party next month: Give an Ugly Christmas Sweater party.
Don't make the mistake of thinking there's anything heartwarming about this suggestion. If you want to have fun at your party, you absolutely must approach it with a heaping dose of irony.
I'm suggesting it now, pre-Thanksgiving, so you can immediately send invitations to folks who then have time to find a tacky sweater before your December party date.
It's not easy to find the perfect ugly Christmas sweater.
First of all, you must make clear in your invitation that this is an Ugly Christmas Sweater party. Not a "Cherished" Christmas Sweater party, or a "Tasteful" Christmas Sweater party.
No. You're looking for hideous polyester yarn creations with retina-damaging Santa suits and bedazzled reindeer. You're hoping for at least one sweater with battery-powered lights. If you're lucky, someone will wear a knitted Advent calendar with tiny tacky pockets.
Make it clear no one will be admitted without an ugly sweater. There will be no room for bystanders at this party. Tell your invitees, "The uglier the sweater, the better the party."
Here are my tips for the host or hostess:
1. Send invitations right away.
You can find "Ugly Christmas Sweater party" invitation templates online. Or print photos of yourself or your spouse in an appropriately hideous sweater and glue 'em to the invite.
You might suggest guests check out Web sites such as
,
and
, as well as local thrift stores, to find ho-ho-horrible apparel.
2. Nail down your wardrobe.
Throw away your pride; nobody can wear one of these lumpy holiday creations without looking like an NFL linebacker. You are looking for a Bridget Jones-Ugly Betty-cringe-inspiring ensemble.
The kind of sweater that goes well with eggnog.
If you haven't left home in an outfit that embarrasses you since you were in elementary school, screw up your courage. I recommend you just focus on the cuteness of the little puppy on your chest, with the Christmas bow around its neck.
I offer only one note of caution: If you stumble upon a holiday sweater made by Susan Bristol LTD with marabou feathers on the cuffs, walk away. This sweater was so bad (read: flammable)
. You want to risk your fashion reputation, not your life.
3. Decorate appropriately.
Party decor is important, but don't let tacky overuse of tinsel overshadow the sweaters your guests will be modeling. One online site suggests you simply plug a string of holiday lights into every outlet in your home and let the pile of lights just sit there on the floor.
4. Control the environment.
Before your guests arrive, turn down the thermostat. Think twice about the cheerful fire. These people will be wearing heavy sweaters. This is an ugly sweater party, not an ugly sweaty party.
5. What to serve?
Food is important. Serve something solid to help absorb the alcohol that will be consumed. Some hosts serve ugly-sweater cookies. Some invite their guests to decorate ugly-sweater cookies -- but partygoers and colored frosting can make a truly ugly combination.
And yes, unless you have religious objections, you definitely should serve alcohol. Arrange for designated drivers or van service or taxis and serve non-alcoholic drinks, of course. But mix up a mighty Christmas punch, because there's never been a Christmas sweater knit or purchased that won't look better a little fuzzy.
6. Choose the activities.
Obviously, there's the big sweater reveal as guests arrive and doff their coats.
At some point, guests should be awarded prizes for Ugliest Sweater, Itchiest Sweater, Funniest Sweater, etc. Determine winners by secret ballot or applause or by inviting a celebrity guest judge.
Prizes could include inedible Christmas foods: sugar plums, figgy pudding, fruitcakes.
You could even set up a photo station where guests can have their pictures taken, so they can be embarrassed later when you post the photos on your favorite social networking site.
7. Beware.
Do not invite your unironic grandmother to this party. She will don her favorite holiday sweater, arrive smiling and filled with Christmas cheer, and leave an angry, bitter woman.
photos of you in your ugly Christmas sweater; I'll post them on my blog.
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